"Mr. McGee, don't make me angry.
You wouldn't like me when I'm angry"
-- Dr. David Banner

(Hand-of-the-Week takes an unexpected break this week, as bisonbison's converter is also on hiatus from now through Sunday. Something about 2+2 relying on it too much without stirring enough critical thought (i.e., "poorly played on all streets" or "raise the flop"), but I think bisonX2 also wants some love for his hard work, and a week off will show how lost we are without it. That's understandable. Because HoW began with the converter, it will likewise take a break. In the meantime, we didn't receive a correct guess for HoW #24, so you're welcome to try again!)

As tempting as they are, I must stay away from reload bonuses. Free money is always welcome, but the effort required to work them off can be detrimental.

Because, you see, I suck at ring games.

I seldom play PokerStars, but I NETellered $600 for the 20 percent bonus. I played one 5/10 6max table and bought in for $200 three times. I lost the whole shebang. And miles to go before the bonus clears.

What happened?

Stars players I always remember as tougher than Party, and for the most part they are. But where Party is loose-passive, Stars is loose-aggressive and tricky. The table I played was so completely ramped up, no flop was seen without a raise, and many times a street would be capped.

And they're big bluffers, capable of raising on the turn or betting out and raising on a scare card. Raising them would get a reraise, and only by capping would they fold. Pots of 25BB were not unheard of.

One person gunned for me every time I was in a hand, not sure if he had a vendetta or had some pleasure picking on me because he knew I was capable of folding.

And it's here -- after the first buy-in, say -- that I should've just gotten up and left. But no, I felt I had a read on the players and wanted to get my money back.

The instant I begin thinking that way, I should shut off the machine and go play in traffic. Poker isn't about revenge or getting back to even, it's about grinding it out and getting in the hours.

My $600 quickly went bye-bye.

Tilting too? Probably. Bad beats? Definitely.

It's difficult not talking about bad beats, which I try to do less here. They're there, they happen to everyone. The type of beats occurring seem to have been heavier than normal this past weekend across all the sites I played... none more so than the SnGs, as my heavy rack of 4th-place air trophies will attest. (I'll refrain from posting my placings for this weekend, because it's all about the big picture and not a tiny sample of a bad run that will correct itself in the next couple weeks. Right? Right...?)

This is good for the game because we want players who will reraise all-in or call an all-in on a draw or medium pair. More often than not they won't get lucky, but the times they do will make them think it's a valid play.

So many times I'm tempted to blow up at them in chat. Other table coaches usually beat me to it, and I find it my duty to deflect their comments onto me so the fish don't become aware and leave. This is the absolute worst thing they can do, and I seldom chat unless I make a mission to go after the coaches. I try to make the fish's environment happy and comfortable enough for them to stay, while I meanwhile get pummeled again and again.

Because it's not just one fish but a school that typically includes the table coach.

Then again, perhaps I'm one of those fish and am just not very good at poker, because all this time and the beats still get to me. A few here and there are fine; those roll off the gills. But a cumulative amount across all my tables, over three solid days, and it builds like a nagging knocking sound from the hood of my aquarium.

If Stars was my only loss this weekend, that wouldn't be too bad. But I continued with Party's bad beat jackpot games, where I believe it's +EV to play whenever the jackpot looms past $250K. Not simply because of the jackpot potential but because of the bad plays that will be occurring within those games. And boy howdy are they wild. I lost two buy-ins in the 5/10 full ring.

SnGs were of no help either, toppling my ROI by a couple percentage points. I'm also playing one 100+9 for every three 50+5 SnGs, and I was doing well in the beginning but am now hitting a streak of 4th place bubble finishes.

Darn it, I have to post at least a couple bad beats. Skip this part.

I was up last night/this morning at 4 a.m. playing my final two SnGs. The previous three I busted out in 4th, 4th, and 7th. My state of mind was already numb from those but I still felt alert from a solid Thai dinner and Maggie Moo ice cream, and the pre-dawn timeframe has a great selection of tables.

In both I have AA, and I must remember to check PokerTracker to see how well this cursed hand is actually holding up.

A player raises all-in UTG within the first few hands of the first level. I will sometimes do this with a strong hand, hoping people will think it's a bluff and call me. Such a big raise for T45 chips screams of nothing. Should I call? With AA, I will every time.

He has a low pocket pair and hits his set, and I'm out in 10th. He says, "whew." That, more than any comment, sets me off to tiltland. I don't mind "sorry" or "ouch," but when the underdog who hits says "whew" I'm thinking violent thoughts. (One day I'll disable all chat, but I feel there can be valuable nuggets said during plays.)

Fortunately, I'm no longer at the table for him to continue to tilt me. I will, however, keep the table open and watch his progress, as he inevitably busts out or continually gets lucky to win the whole thing. This one played the same way and finished 3rd.

In the next SnG, we're down to four people -- the chip leader and us three, all equally stacked. I have my cursed AA again and raise all-in UTG, which amounts to about 5x BB. Guy on the button pauses, and I feel he's going to call, because even though I've shown good cards, his pause means he's thinking. I don't want him to and would prefer to pick up the blinds instead of double-up, because I don't want to risk getting sucked out on.

He calls.

He has Q10o and catches a 4flush to win.

There's a such thing as patience, even down to four players. Even if you put the raiser on a steal, is it worth Q10o as your last stand? When you have enough to last two or three more rounds and would be in a position to steal at least one of those rounds? Heads-up, yes... four players, no. At least not how I play.

I drop my jaw at the flush and that's when, at 4:30 a.m., I throw my chair across the room in anger.

Well, not literally. The chair has wheels and I ended up giving it a good push onto the hardwood floor.

That was the final straw I needed to cap off a piss-poor weekend before going to bed.

If I'm reacting violently playing part-time, what will I be destroying full-time?

Ultimately there are people who play just to have fun. These are the players the online sites are marketing to. A few Franklins isn't anything to them and they're gambling it away as they would in a casino. You really can't fault that attitude. And if you do in chat, they may be turned off by the experience never to return again.

But oh is it ever tempting.

Someone should invent a bad beat doll to punch at opportune moments, with Phil Hellmuth's bobble head square in the middle.

Then again, that may piss me off more.



lunch:
Monterey's Pizza (the best pizza bar none) -- Fab Five gourmet pizza (Italian sausage, pepperoni, red peppers, red onions, mozarella, added mushrooms)

Pepsi Holiday Spice (just awful, I got a 12 pack and have to throw it out)
5 Diet Pepsis
2 Mountain Dew Pitch Black
Hershey's Bar White Chocolate

dinner:
...