What a pisser. PokerNOW is offering a 30 percent bonus up to $200 using the code NEWDEAL. It's good now through May 8.

Their email to me was addressed to the mailing form field of "Change_To_Custom1" and they say they're under new management.

Seeing as how I'm a disgruntled ex-affiliate who was never paid a dime from them and can no longer advertise them, this is a good opportunity to whore 'em on 1/2 6max limit or 25NL games, where you have the best chance of working off the bonus with minimal risk since any raked hand counts.

They also have a $5000 freeroll on Tuesday at 9 p.m. EST, open to all (and currently with only 50 people signed up).

But don't count the above as an advertisement nor a recommendation of what to do.

If you want to sign up to a better Party skin, go with Empire or MultiPoker.

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Last night saw one of my heroes -- Julia Sweeney. Her new monologue Letting Go of God is her best yet. Don't know how she does it, but she keeps getting better. It was a long show -- two and a half hours -- but unlike the show with the cockroach, it flew by. Quentin Tarantino liked God Said Ha! enough that he put up the bucks for the film version; I have no doubt that this new one (about her loss of faith and consequent spiritual journey) will be wildly popular, if not controversial. It's worth a trip to LA to catch her performing.

Long day today and am stocking up on the Red Bulls...

I woke up too late for this morning's seminar of Jim Mercurio on "killer endings." Aside from being weak in structure, endings are also difficult for me, so this would've been a good one.

I should catch another couple hours of sleep, but I have Corn on the Cobs and a pizza a-cookin' for breakfast and I want to check out one final seminar (I don't plan to go to tomorrow's, and I leave Monday).

The second and third sessions are on pitching to Hollywood, which I'm not too interested in. But I'll go to the second session anyway, mostly because I'm unfamiliar with Ken Rotcop and I'd like to meet more people in the audience. And maybe to see if Tamara shows up. Yep, should've gotten her number that first day. Carpe diem and all that.

This evening I'm having drinks with a friend I haven't seen in three years, then checking out a sketch comedy show starring Wil Wheaton. StudioGlyphic should be there and maybe some of the LA Bloggers.

And afterwards, maybe, maybe some poker. Though I'll have a chunk of time between the seminar and drinks, so I may go ahead and kill some time at Commerce. Either way, today ends my poker hiatus.

Speaking of Commerce, I culled together notes on my last two California trips that I never wrote up.

(And curses to Blogger -- there's some bug that when I accidentally click off "Hide Preview," it assumes I want to "Recover post" and brings up a previous truncated version. The corncobs and pizza are ready and I still have to shower, so I'm slapping up the unedited version... don't expect a tidy Julia Sweeney wrapup!)


Trip 1

Left Trip 1 to Commerce with a bad taste in my mouth that I shouldn't have if I played better. Instead I focused on taking down one guy, I was in the wrong game, and it wasn't my night.

The weekend of Jan. 28 began crappy, knowing I was down down down for the year. My little spreadsheet shows me where I should be at any particular moment, and to see a loss means it's an even greater loss because it also means I haven't earned my projected goal up to that point either.

Picked up a Sebring convertible from Mandalay at a great rate ($28/day) and my visions of heading to LA with the top down evaporated at the first raindrop. Some heavy-ass rain on the I-15. My own car wouldn't have survived the trip, particularly in hindsight and the $3000 in repairs that it would see when I returned.

Fortunately, not a heavy amount of traffic. Unfortunately, it was night and I don't drive or see well at night. I found myself getting tired, so I stopped at the first rest stop after Primm (which is only about an hour into the trip) and got in a 5-minute nap (that's what rest stops are for, right?) which was enough to push me the rest of the way.

(Aside: the last time I pulled into a similar rest stop, I was driving with a friend. He'd fallen asleep, and I crept into a rest stop and angled the car so I was directly in front of a parked semi that was facing us. I screamed. My friend awoke, looked at me aghast in horror, then peered out the windshield to see what looked like an oncoming semi, and he screamed. Every time I see him I'm on edge, waiting for him to repay me with that practical joke.)

Considered stopping at Bun Boy to pick up a pie for grubette, but wanted to push on through to the end.

Once in San Bernadino and seeing all the lights, I thought I had made excellent time and was almost there. But I was still an hour away. At least the rain had cleared.

Got lost four times trying to find grubette's place. She'd moved a couple years ago and I'd always been driven to it, never the driver.

Finally made it after 5 hours and found grubette outside playing Omaha on her laptop. She had just gotten it and hooked up her wireless. Most spare moments I found her on the laptop (even in the bathroom while drying her hair).

Went to Commerce to see if we could find any bloggers, but also to scout out the place. Neither of us had ever been and we were excited to see the biggest cardroom in the world.

When we got there, it didn't seem that big. Sure, a hotel was connected to it and they had the other California card games, but it seemed no bigger than Hawaiian Gardens. Tried putting our names on the board, but all we saw were 300/600 games. Um, were there any other games? The brush said they were in the other room.

Other room?

We looped around the corner and a huge room opened up like Dorothy landing in Oz and everything turning to Technicolor.

Commerce is one freakin' big cardroom.

Hooked up with hdouble, AlCantHang, and Mrs. AlCH, then ran into Felicia and Glenn. After chatting over drinks for a couple hours (grubette's jaw dropped after seeing the mile-long receipt listing all of Al's cordials -- the next night, the bar said they were out of Southern Comfort, underprepared for Al's visit).

We then were turned loose after midnight and played some poker!

hdouble kept trying to convince me to play 20/40, saying how good the game was. I was playing scared and didn't want to risk anything that high, particularly after being down $3500 already.

Sat in a terrific 100NL game instead and my last hand had me with KQs. I raise $15 and am up against one person. Flop is Qxx. I bet $15, and he calls. Turn is x. I bet $30 and he raises. I look at his stack and say that I'll put him all-in. He more than happily calls and shows AA. Whoops.

Ended my very first night at Commerce up $330, which coincidentally was the exact amount of the NL buy-in at the LA Poker Classic the next day.

That next day at that tournament, I felt I played bad: I only played good cards and didn't bluff. Not how you play a tournament. It was enough to last me past the dinner break, but building chips in that rebuy period is critical. Especially at a weak-tight table.

Al was out in the first hour when his KK ran up against AA.

Heading into each break, hdouble and I seemed to have about the same amount of chips (until the dinner break, when he outchipped me a few hundred).

After dinner, an AK held up against two others and I tripled up. Still not enough to outlast blinds and antes, and I whittled away to going all-in on 77. Three others in glady called my piddly raise, and I was out as soon as Felicia came around to provide support.

They'd guaranteed a $250K prize pool, and they had so many entries, rebuys, and add-ons that they were able to award almost $250K to first place. So many people played, they added tables outside the ballroom and at one point when there were still over 700 players, they announced, "Players, welcome to the final room."

Went downstairs and joined a 100NL game, when hdouble busted out about an hour later.

It was the first time I'd met StudioGlyphic, and he said he'd give me a kick in the ass for playing The Hammer (though he admitted he was actually up with 72o when checking PokerTracker). Right when he walked by, I had 72o and showed him.

I never play The Hammer unless it's around bloggers, so I confidently raise $15.

Guy to my left calls, and the flop has a couple overcards. I bet $30, and he calls.

On the turn, things are not looking good. I chicken out and check, going for an all-in play on the river no matter what it was. I wanted him to think I was slowplaying the turn by checking. Out of the corner of my eye I'm watching the guy's reaction and whether he moves his hands to his chips, but I can't gauge anything.

The river is a blank and I push. The guy immediately calls and flips Ace high to take down the pot.

That's how good the games are at Commerce. Particularly when you have two idiots playing The Hammer and Ace high.

I was down under $100 at that point and rebought. The game broke, and I was moved to another table. Did some grinding to get back to even, when the game broke again.

New table had a guy with $1000 in front of him. I had $400 and saw he was playing horrible cards and catching.

He was a big older guy who liked to talk. He told a story about going to a casino with a concealed weapon in his backpack. Security stopped him to see the bag, he asked why. They asked what's in it. He said a revolver. More security approached. Then he showed his concealed weapons permit that was issued with a blank open date, apparently making it effective indefinitely.

I wondered if that revolver was in his current backpack.

But he was a perfectly nice guy who just liked to play every hand, even for a raise. Especially for a raise, because he seemed like he wanted to give some money back to players, but just happened to hit monster hands sometimes.

My pivotal hand against him:

I have A Q and raise $20. He raises $20 more.

I pause, considering whether to reraise all-in here (he was raising on any number of hands), but decide to take a flop.

Flop is a teasing 10 J x.

He checks.

I consider taking a free card and checking back.

But I also think I'm best here with a strong draw -- any heart, any King, plus a gutshot royal.

I look at my chips. $400 in a rack that I'd so painstakingly built up again over a couple hours since losing with the Hammer.

His chipstack was dwindling, now down to $500.

I push.

I didn't think he would call.

I was wrong. He pushed his stack quite willingly and flipped what he said was his favorite hand -- 10-J.

No help for me and my hard-earned chips went into his stack.

I asked if I had gone all-in preflop if he would've called and he said yes: 10-J is his favorite, after all.

Then a succession of rebuys and some killer hands, and I drowned in a pool of cards not just to him but another guy (who called a raise with 93o and runnered quad 9s).

My final hand with him had me with 10-J and a 10 on the flop. I made a bad play and pushed, and he called. I said I had his favorite hand, and he flips Q-10.

I lost every hand against him and finally left the table down $700. I would have kept playing, but sometimes you just have to accept it's not your night.


Trip 2

This was three weeks ago, where I stayed in downtown LA and played poker every night.

One visit to The Bicycle Casino, and the others to Commerce.

I already blogged about the 9/18 game where I felt I played well. But where I played well there, I played horribly in 200NL.

Quite a few times I was outplayed. But I'm getting better. One hand I took pride in showing a bluff with pocket 2s when I bet the flop and turn against a board of overcards. I won't try that when more than one person's in the hand.

The last two nights killed me. Saturday night, I met up with the LA Bloggers. Hung out drinking bobas and coaxed them into straddling at 2/4 (railbirding is fun) before sitting down in a loose 200NL.

One guy kept going or calling all-in as soon as he'd rebuy. The first hand I saw he had 23o. The next hands he had something decent that were cracked by a lesser hand, but only because they called thinking he had 23o again.

I was into the game $600 ($200 which I staked another blogger with, only to see him call an all-in with QJ (pair of Queens and Jack kicker)... against chip leader who I told him never bluffed and who flopped two pair with Q3, but even a Q with a K or A kicker would've taken it).

I slowly rebuilt. The game was four-handed and we cut for a new table.

I debated leaving but saw the deep stacks at the new table and thought my $500 could go further. I folded my first four hands and then look down to see pocket Aces.

The first AA that I'd seen not just that night but the entire trip to CA.

I'm UTG and raise $100. Three people call, including the BB.

The flop is 8-9-J (two s). The BB pushes for about $50.

I do not want to see any more cards and raise to $200.

The chip leader thinks for a bit, playing with his chips. He looks up at me and says, "Your Aces are no good."

I just nod.

And then he moves all-in, more than covering me.

A woman folds, and it's to me with $230 more to call. I remember exactly because I counted down. I call time and think for a bit. I figure I'm against two pair or 10-10.

I think there's enough in the pot to call, and I do.

Chip leader suddenly says, "Want to make a deal?" And I fleetingly think my Aces are good. I ask what kind of deal, and he says we'll run 'em twice. But then the third guy in the pot protests, so the deal's off (even though the guy showed his hand -- J 4 -- which I should've re-protested but didn't).

Chip leader says, "You're gonna have to get lucky." And as soon as he says that, I know I'm dead. Because luck ain't my middle name. He flips his 8-9 for two pair, and I don't show my hand. Turn is a 2 and river's a Q. Both players take my money and I go home.

My read on him was correct, yet I still called. If I didn't call, I would've been down to $230 -- just $30 above a buy-in.

My final night of California, I don't even stay at the hotel. I check out and go straight to Commerce, intending to play through the night and then catch the morning flight back.

I play 9/18 and 200NL and run bad in both. The food looks delicious, and I order the fruit salad and fried wontons. It seems cheaper when paying with chips ($14).

Returning the rental car, they notice a huge scratch on the front right bumper. Despite my protests, they log it and I have to provide insurance information. The scratch must've been there when I first picked up the car, because that kind of scratch would only appear going over a curb, and I wasn't too tired to not remember any curb hopping.

I promise myself the next time I play live, I will play better.