Email grubby or grubette (unless you specify otherwise, emails may make it into future grub posts)
Look for grubette at...
I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker! The WBCOOP is a free online Poker tournament open to all Bloggers, so register on WBCOOP to play.
What a pisser. PokerNOW is offering a 30 percent bonus up to $200 using the code NEWDEAL. It's good now through May 8.
Their email to me was addressed to the mailing form field of "Change_To_Custom1" and they say they're under new management.
Seeing as how I'm a disgruntled ex-affiliate who was never paid a dime from them and can no longer advertise them, this is a good opportunity to whore 'em on 1/2 6max limit or 25NL games, where you have the best chance of working off the bonus with minimal risk since any raked hand counts.
They also have a $5000 freeroll on Tuesday at 9 p.m. EST, open to all (and currently with only 50 people signed up).
But don't count the above as an advertisement nor a recommendation of what to do.
If you want to sign up to a better Party skin, go with Empire or MultiPoker.
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Last night saw one of my heroes -- Julia Sweeney. Her new monologue Letting Go of God is her best yet. Don't know how she does it, but she keeps getting better. It was a long show -- two and a half hours -- but unlike the show with the cockroach, it flew by. Quentin Tarantino liked God Said Ha! enough that he put up the bucks for the film version; I have no doubt that this new one (about her loss of faith and consequent spiritual journey) will be wildly popular, if not controversial. It's worth a trip to LA to catch her performing.
Long day today and am stocking up on the Red Bulls...
I woke up too late for this morning's seminar of Jim Mercurio on "killer endings." Aside from being weak in structure, endings are also difficult for me, so this would've been a good one.
I should catch another couple hours of sleep, but I have Corn on the Cobs and a pizza a-cookin' for breakfast and I want to check out one final seminar (I don't plan to go to tomorrow's, and I leave Monday).
The second and third sessions are on pitching to Hollywood, which I'm not too interested in. But I'll go to the second session anyway, mostly because I'm unfamiliar with Ken Rotcop and I'd like to meet more people in the audience. And maybe to see if Tamara shows up. Yep, should've gotten her number that first day. Carpe diem and all that.
This evening I'm having drinks with a friend I haven't seen in three years, then checking out a sketch comedy show starring Wil Wheaton. StudioGlyphic should be there and maybe some of the LA Bloggers.
And afterwards, maybe, maybe some poker. Though I'll have a chunk of time between the seminar and drinks, so I may go ahead and kill some time at Commerce. Either way, today ends my poker hiatus.
Speaking of Commerce, I culled together notes on my last two California trips that I never wrote up.
(And curses to Blogger -- there's some bug that when I accidentally click off "Hide Preview," it assumes I want to "Recover post" and brings up a previous truncated version. The corncobs and pizza are ready and I still have to shower, so I'm slapping up the unedited version... don't expect a tidy Julia Sweeney wrapup!)
Trip 1
Left Trip 1 to Commerce with a bad taste in my mouth that I shouldn't have if I played better. Instead I focused on taking down one guy, I was in the wrong game, and it wasn't my night.
The weekend of Jan. 28 began crappy, knowing I was down down down for the year. My little spreadsheet shows me where I should be at any particular moment, and to see a loss means it's an even greater loss because it also means I haven't earned my projected goal up to that point either.
Picked up a Sebring convertible from Mandalay at a great rate ($28/day) and my visions of heading to LA with the top down evaporated at the first raindrop. Some heavy-ass rain on the I-15. My own car wouldn't have survived the trip, particularly in hindsight and the $3000 in repairs that it would see when I returned.
Fortunately, not a heavy amount of traffic. Unfortunately, it was night and I don't drive or see well at night. I found myself getting tired, so I stopped at the first rest stop after Primm (which is only about an hour into the trip) and got in a 5-minute nap (that's what rest stops are for, right?) which was enough to push me the rest of the way.
(Aside: the last time I pulled into a similar rest stop, I was driving with a friend. He'd fallen asleep, and I crept into a rest stop and angled the car so I was directly in front of a parked semi that was facing us. I screamed. My friend awoke, looked at me aghast in horror, then peered out the windshield to see what looked like an oncoming semi, and he screamed. Every time I see him I'm on edge, waiting for him to repay me with that practical joke.)
Considered stopping at Bun Boy to pick up a pie for grubette, but wanted to push on through to the end.
Once in San Bernadino and seeing all the lights, I thought I had made excellent time and was almost there. But I was still an hour away. At least the rain had cleared.
Got lost four times trying to find grubette's place. She'd moved a couple years ago and I'd always been driven to it, never the driver.
Finally made it after 5 hours and found grubette outside playing Omaha on her laptop. She had just gotten it and hooked up her wireless. Most spare moments I found her on the laptop (even in the bathroom while drying her hair).
Went to Commerce to see if we could find any bloggers, but also to scout out the place. Neither of us had ever been and we were excited to see the biggest cardroom in the world.
When we got there, it didn't seem that big. Sure, a hotel was connected to it and they had the other California card games, but it seemed no bigger than Hawaiian Gardens. Tried putting our names on the board, but all we saw were 300/600 games. Um, were there any other games? The brush said they were in the other room.
Other room?
We looped around the corner and a huge room opened up like Dorothy landing in Oz and everything turning to Technicolor.
Commerce is one freakin' big cardroom.
Hooked up with hdouble, AlCantHang, and Mrs. AlCH, then ran into Felicia and Glenn. After chatting over drinks for a couple hours (grubette's jaw dropped after seeing the mile-long receipt listing all of Al's cordials -- the next night, the bar said they were out of Southern Comfort, underprepared for Al's visit).
We then were turned loose after midnight and played some poker!
hdouble kept trying to convince me to play 20/40, saying how good the game was. I was playing scared and didn't want to risk anything that high, particularly after being down $3500 already.
Sat in a terrific 100NL game instead and my last hand had me with KQs. I raise $15 and am up against one person. Flop is Qxx. I bet $15, and he calls. Turn is x. I bet $30 and he raises. I look at his stack and say that I'll put him all-in. He more than happily calls and shows AA. Whoops.
Ended my very first night at Commerce up $330, which coincidentally was the exact amount of the NL buy-in at the LA Poker Classic the next day.
That next day at that tournament, I felt I played bad: I only played good cards and didn't bluff. Not how you play a tournament. It was enough to last me past the dinner break, but building chips in that rebuy period is critical. Especially at a weak-tight table.
Al was out in the first hour when his KK ran up against AA.
Heading into each break, hdouble and I seemed to have about the same amount of chips (until the dinner break, when he outchipped me a few hundred).
After dinner, an AK held up against two others and I tripled up. Still not enough to outlast blinds and antes, and I whittled away to going all-in on 77. Three others in glady called my piddly raise, and I was out as soon as Felicia came around to provide support.
They'd guaranteed a $250K prize pool, and they had so many entries, rebuys, and add-ons that they were able to award almost $250K to first place. So many people played, they added tables outside the ballroom and at one point when there were still over 700 players, they announced, "Players, welcome to the final room."
Went downstairs and joined a 100NL game, when hdouble busted out about an hour later.
It was the first time I'd met StudioGlyphic, and he said he'd give me a kick in the ass for playing The Hammer (though he admitted he was actually up with 72o when checking PokerTracker). Right when he walked by, I had 72o and showed him.
I never play The Hammer unless it's around bloggers, so I confidently raise $15.
Guy to my left calls, and the flop has a couple overcards. I bet $30, and he calls.
On the turn, things are not looking good. I chicken out and check, going for an all-in play on the river no matter what it was. I wanted him to think I was slowplaying the turn by checking. Out of the corner of my eye I'm watching the guy's reaction and whether he moves his hands to his chips, but I can't gauge anything.
The river is a blank and I push. The guy immediately calls and flips Ace high to take down the pot.
That's how good the games are at Commerce. Particularly when you have two idiots playing The Hammer and Ace high.
I was down under $100 at that point and rebought. The game broke, and I was moved to another table. Did some grinding to get back to even, when the game broke again.
New table had a guy with $1000 in front of him. I had $400 and saw he was playing horrible cards and catching.
He was a big older guy who liked to talk. He told a story about going to a casino with a concealed weapon in his backpack. Security stopped him to see the bag, he asked why. They asked what's in it. He said a revolver. More security approached. Then he showed his concealed weapons permit that was issued with a blank open date, apparently making it effective indefinitely.
I wondered if that revolver was in his current backpack.
But he was a perfectly nice guy who just liked to play every hand, even for a raise. Especially for a raise, because he seemed like he wanted to give some money back to players, but just happened to hit monster hands sometimes.
My pivotal hand against him:
I have A Q and raise $20. He raises $20 more.
I pause, considering whether to reraise all-in here (he was raising on any number of hands), but decide to take a flop.
Flop is a teasing 10 J x.
He checks.
I consider taking a free card and checking back.
But I also think I'm best here with a strong draw -- any heart, any King, plus a gutshot royal.
I look at my chips. $400 in a rack that I'd so painstakingly built up again over a couple hours since losing with the Hammer.
His chipstack was dwindling, now down to $500.
I push.
I didn't think he would call.
I was wrong. He pushed his stack quite willingly and flipped what he said was his favorite hand -- 10-J.
No help for me and my hard-earned chips went into his stack.
I asked if I had gone all-in preflop if he would've called and he said yes: 10-J is his favorite, after all.
Then a succession of rebuys and some killer hands, and I drowned in a pool of cards not just to him but another guy (who called a raise with 93o and runnered quad 9s).
My final hand with him had me with 10-J and a 10 on the flop. I made a bad play and pushed, and he called. I said I had his favorite hand, and he flips Q-10.
I lost every hand against him and finally left the table down $700. I would have kept playing, but sometimes you just have to accept it's not your night.
Trip 2
This was three weeks ago, where I stayed in downtown LA and played poker every night.
One visit to The Bicycle Casino, and the others to Commerce.
I already blogged about the 9/18 game where I felt I played well. But where I played well there, I played horribly in 200NL.
Quite a few times I was outplayed. But I'm getting better. One hand I took pride in showing a bluff with pocket 2s when I bet the flop and turn against a board of overcards. I won't try that when more than one person's in the hand.
The last two nights killed me. Saturday night, I met up with the LA Bloggers. Hung out drinking bobas and coaxed them into straddling at 2/4 (railbirding is fun) before sitting down in a loose 200NL.
One guy kept going or calling all-in as soon as he'd rebuy. The first hand I saw he had 23o. The next hands he had something decent that were cracked by a lesser hand, but only because they called thinking he had 23o again.
I was into the game $600 ($200 which I staked another blogger with, only to see him call an all-in with QJ (pair of Queens and Jack kicker)... against chip leader who I told him never bluffed and who flopped two pair with Q3, but even a Q with a K or A kicker would've taken it).
I slowly rebuilt. The game was four-handed and we cut for a new table.
I debated leaving but saw the deep stacks at the new table and thought my $500 could go further. I folded my first four hands and then look down to see pocket Aces.
The first AA that I'd seen not just that night but the entire trip to CA.
I'm UTG and raise $100. Three people call, including the BB.
The flop is 8-9-J (two s). The BB pushes for about $50.
I do not want to see any more cards and raise to $200.
The chip leader thinks for a bit, playing with his chips. He looks up at me and says, "Your Aces are no good."
I just nod.
And then he moves all-in, more than covering me.
A woman folds, and it's to me with $230 more to call. I remember exactly because I counted down. I call time and think for a bit. I figure I'm against two pair or 10-10.
I think there's enough in the pot to call, and I do.
Chip leader suddenly says, "Want to make a deal?" And I fleetingly think my Aces are good. I ask what kind of deal, and he says we'll run 'em twice. But then the third guy in the pot protests, so the deal's off (even though the guy showed his hand -- J 4 -- which I should've re-protested but didn't).
Chip leader says, "You're gonna have to get lucky." And as soon as he says that, I know I'm dead. Because luck ain't my middle name. He flips his 8-9 for two pair, and I don't show my hand. Turn is a 2 and river's a Q. Both players take my money and I go home.
My read on him was correct, yet I still called. If I didn't call, I would've been down to $230 -- just $30 above a buy-in.
My final night of California, I don't even stay at the hotel. I check out and go straight to Commerce, intending to play through the night and then catch the morning flight back.
I play 9/18 and 200NL and run bad in both. The food looks delicious, and I order the fruit salad and fried wontons. It seems cheaper when paying with chips ($14).
Returning the rental car, they notice a huge scratch on the front right bumper. Despite my protests, they log it and I have to provide insurance information. The scratch must've been there when I first picked up the car, because that kind of scratch would only appear going over a curb, and I wasn't too tired to not remember any curb hopping.
I promise myself the next time I play live, I will play better.
— —
Friday, April 29, 2005
Faust mouse
Received an interesting offer from PokerRewards, which offers a free WSOP package as soon as you play a million raked hands (you'll "only" have contributed some $100,000 in rake). You have until the end of 2010. Get crackin'!
With Party taking steps to eliminate rakeback, I think we'll be seeing other sites that offer it upfront. PokerRewards will return 10 percent of your rake, plus $20 after you play your next 1000 hands (which means you only have 999,000 more to go before packing your bags).
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From lack of sleep, I've been nodding off in these daily seminars and then the plays, but hopefully I don't make too much noise snoring or moving my head like a Terry Schiavo bobblehead. My notes are a rather garbled mess, looking like hieroglyphics. Just like ol' college days. Let's hope they don't catch me snoozing on the DVD.
Not having much time between seminar and play, my diet the past few days has been nothing but fast food. I'll grab a sausage McMuffin and hash brown in the morning, then attempt to find something else for lunch/dinner. And something else still means McDonald's, though I varied it tonight by going to Jack in the Box (surprisingly better than I'd expected). Had a blueberry shake instead of the drink, then on the drive back went back to Macadees and had an M&M McFlurry.
Can't wait to return home and get back to the buffets. Some real food.
Saw a play tonight (Thursday) on Heliotrope, right off the 101. Not much traffic getting there, plus a (free) parking space right around the corner on Melrose.
One thing I'm noticing about LA theater is how attractive everyone is (the audience, too). Maybe it's because they go back and forth between stage and screen or they have film aspirations, but LA is more attractive than DC. How's that for a generalization? For what it's worth, Vegas actors also seem more attractive than their DC counterparts, though Vegas is less talented, less smart, and more religious.
It also seems everyone's involved with show business in some way (yeah, I'm slow to get with the program, but it's still surprising to hear people's run-ins with celebrities). Overheard at the play last night, a guy ran into Betty White at a radio show (he was afraid she'd be a diva, and she's anything but). A woman said she was going to Maui this weekend for a wedding. Her friend asked if she was going with so-and-so. She responded, no, I'm taking Shelley Long. Ah, so that's where she's been these past few years. Thought she might be in the new series "Skinny Actress."
I didn't get this too much in DC. Lots of interns, but really more lawyers than lobbyists. 'Course, if I attended the cocktail parties it'd be all politicians.
Tonight was pay-what-you-can night, though I'd already purchased a regular-priced ticket in advance. Didn't mind too much, because the parking space made up for it.
Interestingly directed play, with many striking things about it that I think all enhanced rather than detracted. A big cast, too, which is nice to see since we're stuck in a small-cast trend these days.
The girl at the box office was bubbly and friendly, despite my name not being on the reservation list. She handled it well, and she had such a stunning look, I couldn't take my eyes off her. She had black hair and a look that was crossed between Betty Page and Hedy Lamarr (my favorite look, by the way). Before the play began, she sat two seats away in my row, and I stole glances at her profile.
During the second act, there was a commotion in the front row. It began with a guy, who slapped his jeans and shook his coat. The girl next to him did the same. They both put their feet up.
I didn't have to grow up in a barn to know these are telltale signs of a mouse in the house.
I've only seen a mouse in a theater once before, at an arts center in Maryland that had just opened. But it was the lobby and it could be forgiven, because I think the center was built on old mouse burial grounds.
But it's LA... could it be a rat?
That woke me with a start, and I was alert the rest of the play.
Particularly because the box office girl next to me suddenly went into a convulsion and hopped a couple seats down. A few minutes later, the girl next to her also leapt out of her seat as if being goosed by Michael Jackson.
They both quickly moved to another row, leaving me alone in the third row. Alone in the third row with the mouse.
I'm pretty squeamish when it comes to creatures slithering around my nether regions. Whenever insects were found in my room growing up, a scream to mamagrub would get her to come up and crush that bug with the palm of her hand. Yeah, you don't really want to cross mamagrub.
We had hamsters growing up, so a mouse wasn't necessarily going to freak me out. A hungry mouse and me stuffed with fast food carbohydrates, however...
Of course, it had to be a long second act. Every time it seemed to naturally end, it continued further. All I could concentrate on was listening for the pitter-patter sounds of li'l mice feet. The longer the play went on, the more it would be my turn for the mouse. In poker, the more people in the hand, the less likely your hand will hold up. With mouse Russian Roulette, the longer the play, the more likely it'll get to you. Especially when it already went through all the people in your row and your legs are just dangling akimbo.
As soon as the play ended (a very long 2 hours and 40 minutes), the box office girl gave them a standing ovation (if you ever want a standing ovation, just plant a few mice in the audience). I stayed seated, checking my person for bites, and was relieved to have survived the ordeal mouse-free.
The girl was still shaken, saying it was a huge cockroach. Conferring with the front-row victims, a cockroach (not sure if the same one or a cousin) dropped from the ceiling and took turns bothering pay-what-you-can patrons.
I've seen plenty of those in theaters. Including one drop on a friend's head and get entangled in her hair. The sadistic side of me thought that was more entertaining than the play.
But at least it wasn't a rat.
— —
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Hero, Nemesis, Reflection, Romance
I'm exhausted, but a good kind of exhaustion, meaning the nongambling type of exhaustion (though not the sex-type of exhaustion, which I probably wouldn't talk about).
The exhaustion is from sitting through 11 hours of seminars today (Monday). I even escaped early during a break in a pitch seminar to meet up with a screenwriter friend in Burbank. We talked shop and caught up over pulled pork, hot sauce, a pitcher of beer, sweet potato pie, and hot wet napkins. He moved to Burbank eight months ago, and so far it's working out well. The people he's met have led to writing deals, and he deserves every one. He's worked hard and has gone through a lot to get to this point.
I'd purchased a ticket tonight to the Ha Ha Club on Lankershim, with KC Armstrong and Craig Gass, but I just wasn't up for it. Even got a parking space right in front. But hanging out with my friend was infinitely better and well worth skipping the comedy show.
Friday night, another friend took me to a 24-hour diner in Los Feliz. Vegas diners are also 'round-the-clock, but they just aren't the same.
Both gave me unsolicited praise about my writing (old writing, I should point out, which feels somewhat like getting a compliment on some old clothing... that was a gift... that you'd thrown out). Both also tried to talk me into moving to LA, and I'm sure it'll happen eventually. I do want to give Vegas more of a shot; I still feel like I haven't settled down yet (still no couch). If it weren't for the horrendous parking and traffic in LA, I'd probably move sooner. If I lose the rest of my bankroll, well, I'd probably choose Santa Monica to be homeless.
Traffic is so bad in LA that I continually misjudge how bad it really is. I've already missed two plays that I was there for, but too late or couldn't find parking. All the plays this week I've already paid for in advance in a nonrefundable way, so I'm feelin' the road rage (which I never experienced in DC).
The four plays I wasn't late for, however, have been excellent and just the thing I needed creatively. One was incredibly inspiring as theater that I feel humbled and intimidated and excited: this is what theater is and what it can do. Moving and novel and intricate and heady all wrapped into one. And by far some of the best acting and directing I've seen the past few months.
Spent some time in Venice, which would be my second choice to be homeless behind Santa Monica. A shame these places are so expensive. Walked up and down the beachfront watching the street performers, eating empanadas, sipping smoothies, then hanging at a cafe reading the Sunday LA Times Calendar section over a turkey sandwich and Hot Chai Tea on a perfect day. This is how life should be.
But back to the seminars. They're being taped for DVD, so they sometimes have to backtrack and repeat or shoot things out of sequence, but it's worth it for the lectures as well as chatting (networking) with people in the audience.
Met a director of TV, who's done "Deadwood," "Ed," "ER," and a bunch of others. He'll be there every day this week learning what it's like to be a writer. That's one spectrum. The other is the ones who act self-important with dreams of selling a screenplay for a lot of money.
And there are those in between, who are about where I am, who want to get better but have no unrealistic expectations. I've studied Michael Hauge goodness knows how many times, but it always helps to hear it again, straight from the man himself this time. Structure is my weakest part of screenwriting, and the element I need to work on the most.
So before turning in tonight to get in four hours of sleep before tomorrow's set of seminars, I thought I'd leave you with a little grubby movie structure outline using Hauge's six-stage plot structure.
Stage I, Setup. Hero visits LA to escape sins of Vegas (Identity).
Turning Point 1, Opportunity. Hero attends screenwriting seminar, desiring to better self (Essence) and get crackin' on dusty screenplay.
Stage II, New Situation. Hero jokes and sits with Reflection, with whom he stood in line. Hero struggles between gambling and writing. In back of room, Hero spots lovely but out-of-league Romance wearing sleeveless belly shirt and lowslung jeans.
Turning Point 2, Change of Plans. Reflection leaves seminar, abandoning Hero. Hero heads to lunch, runs into lost Romance who's also heading to lunch. With midriff looking good.
Stage III, Progress. Hero and Romance lunch together at burger joint that serves Mexican. Hero wonders why Romance laughs at everything he says. Hero elects not to reveal gambling addiction (The Lie). Hero and Romance bond over writing and quesadillas (Essence + food).
Turning Point 3, Point of No Return. Back at seminar, Hero's about to ask for Romance's phone number when Nemesis arrives. Nemesis is embodiment of writer that Hero is not with his pansy-ass disheveled long hair.
Stage IV, Complications and Higher Stakes. Romance does not follow Hero to sit next to at new seminar. Nor does she acknowledge.
Turning Point 4, Major Setback. Romance sits next to Nemesis.
Stage V, Final Push. Hero gets up to leave seminar early, goes toward Tamara, I mean, Romance, to get her number.
Turning Point 5, Climax. Romance is deep in conversation with Nemesis; Hero can't say anything without disturbing sound on DVD recording, and poor Pilar Alessandra has already done enough retakes.
Stage VI, Aftermath. Hero fails and goes to visit friend in Burbank.
To be continued (because Tamara's supposed to be at another seminar later this week)...
— —
Friday, April 22, 2005
Eleven-day sobriety chip
Well hell. Can't figure out if Blogger ate my post or if typing on the laptop keyboard confused me enough that I hit a key combination to erase (I keep hitting Windows-Tab instead of ALT-Tab). That's what I get for writing a post directly in Blogger.
But here 'tis again, a shorter version...
I'm back in California for 11 days, and I have 14 plays and eight seminars booked. This was on purpose, leaving me little time for poker and no time for slots or blackjack.
This is a writing sabbatical trip combined with a grubette-in-Mexico-kitty-sitting trip. It was a bit of happy serendipity to discover a bunch of screenwriting seminars by authors I respect on my shelves (er, in my boxes), so I'm looking forward to being enmeshed in ideas and hope to gain much inspiration. I'm not looking forward to the commute, however: Monday-Friday are morning seminars in downtown Los Angeles.
I'm one week too late to see "Family Guy" live on stage, drat.
Last time I spent any time in LA was, well, two weeks ago. But before that was 1999 when I stayed in Burbank with a clear view of the "COPS" TV show's helicopters and squads swooping down on suspected felons and people who forgot to move their cars. It was just seedy enough to be eventful. I stayed with the 21-year-old sister of someone I had just met in Arlington, Virginia, who was entirely too trusting to give a key to their apartment to someone they didn't know. Maybe they wanted to get on "COPS." I don't remember much except changing her flat tire, her having posters of boy bands all over her room, and her not tipping the pizza guy because the pizza place was down the street. Otherwise I was busy meeting people, trying to peddle my screenplay (I'd brought 10 copies and handed out every one), and phone-pitching to a guy whose name sounded like "Spaz" whose secretary said he wasn't in until I dropped a name and he called right back. Had a second meeting at Paramount, which failed miserably when I not only picked up the check (when going to lunch at the Formosa, you're the girl and you should just sit quietly and wait for the producer to pick up the tab on her corporate card... plus, you should not order pasta) but I also went through reasons why I didn't like her latest movie that I'd seen a screening of... a movie she'd spent two years of her life working on. Bad move there; the years of intervening poker bluffing have made me a better liar, and if if anyone now asks what I think of something I say it was better than Cats. It didn't matter that when the movie came out, it bombed critically and financially.
That was six years ago. I've lost all my contacts since then, so I'm starting over. I feel like a babe in the woods, learning how to write all over again. If only this pesky poker habit didn't get in the way.
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Last night went to UNLV's 10-minute play festival. I love 10-minute plays because of the variety and if you don't like one, you just wait 10 minutes for the next. It's deceptively simple, but extremely difficult to pull off a successful play that tells a story within that timeframe, so I always go in with the lowest of expectations.
Even lower because it's Vegas.
But I'm happy and surprised to report that the majority of the plays had excellent writing, acting, and directing. Even the writing that was iffy had good acting and directing.
I'm again hopeful. But it could be a fluke.
Then went to Hard Rock to meet Kathy and a mutual friend Erica from DC, who were both champagne-tasting at the pool. Got there too late, but Hard Rock is home to the best-looking (and expensive) women in any casino, and I welcome any excuse to hang out there.
Picked up another slot card and found I hadn't played in over a year, which is when they expire all slot points and comp dollars. I asked how many I had, and it was only $40. But it was the principle, so my goal was to win back that $40. From my point balance being zero or because she felt sorry for me, the player's club person gave me a sheet of coupons, one of which was a $10 freeplay on slots.
This is a nice one because there's no money invested upfront by the player. I'm not even sure what the playthrough requirement is before cashing out, but I suspect it's just once. When Kathy called, I cashed out at $15. So $25 more to go and I'll be even with Hard Rock (what twisted mentality, I know).
Met a very plastered Kathy and Erica at Peppermill, which if you've never been, you should make a trip before they replace it with a new casino.
Peppermill is an old-school ratpack lounge, with disco ball mirrors everywhere in the cafe area -- even on the Exit sign.
I said we had to talk with our mouths half-closed, because the ventriloquists were in town. I pointed to a sign at the front that said, "Welcome Ventriloquists."
We shared a creamsicle, Blue Hawaiian, and appetizers along the circular fireplace floating on water. You have to see it to believe it, but it's very cozy.
Erica was trying to get us to move back to DC. Kathy is already planning on it. I'm not sure.
Erica acts, writes, and most recently directed Dancing at Lughnasa. Kathy acts and writes. I asked them which they would choose if they had to choose one, and both picked acting.
Me, I have no aspirations to act or direct, so that kinda narrows my options.
After Peppermill I was still sober, so I went to Sunset Station one final time before the CA trip to cash in some random free slotplay. Turned out to be $7 and I used it up on the new Star Wars penny slots with a progressive that pays $1M. Needless to say, they're pretty tight.
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I'm removing PokerNow from the list of sites I frequent because, well, I have to:
We would like to advise you that we are terminating our affiliate agreement with you as per clause 4.2 of the agreement. Over the last 3 months your players have generated less than $50 MGR. Therefore it is not mutually profitable for you to continue to promote our site.
Effective immediately, please remove any promotion banners, website links or any other promotional material that you may have related to PokerNow.com.
Unless we hear back from you within 72 hours, we will take this email as our notice that you understand that your affiliate agreement has been terminated. Any positive MGR generated from the start of this month to the end of the 72 hours will be credited against your account.
We thank you for your efforts over the past few months.
A dozen or so signed up through my PokerNow link, and according to them, no one played enough for the final amount to ever be above $0. In other words, I never received any money from them. 'Course, by terminating me they assure themselves of never having to pay me.
Now I hear that PokerNow will soon be no more, folding into Party for violating their own agreements (such as allowing rakebacks). If that's the true reason, they could've told me that to begin with.
I'm rethinking how I've been using affiliate links. I'm spending a few hundred per month in advertising, and I'm not making that back in affiliate revenue. I'll be rotating out a banner ad or two, to see how that works slapped up on the front page. So beware.
— —
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Blackjack grub: a cautionary tale
Through April 25, Pokerroom has a reload bonus of 15 percent (up to $150) using the bonus code CELL, and you have 60 days to accumulate 1050 player points. This bonus is supposedly to promote their new mobile games. So you can lose at fruit slots while paying for minutes on your cell phone. Cool beans!
I do enjoy being able to work off the bonus by playing blackjack, which I do every time they offer a bonus... and usually to success (my problem is reversing the cashout and continuing to play). If you knock off the whole bonus in a day, you'll also get a portion of the $1000 that they award every day to the top 50 players.
In addition to that, you'll have earned more than enough player points to get tickets to their $3000 and $6000 freerolls. If you're smart about it, you'll split your play across two weeks to be eligible for both sets of freerolls. I'm not smart like that and always do the 1050 points in one day and qualify for the freerolls when I'm unable to play.
And in case you're wondering, I finished clearing the bonus solidly in the black. And I didn't reverse the cashout.
Not only can you play multi-hands, you can multi-table. Here's me 8-tabling blackjack:
Just kidding. I wouldn't play more than one table. If I need that much action, boy, I should just bet everything on black.
The dealer's name is Seth. Like games at Party, he deals all games and is prone to bad beating you. I don't know the dealer's name at Party, but I'm sure he and Seth are pals and hang out at the casino bar after hours trying to pick up the girl dealer from Empire.
In chat, I've cursed out Seth by name quite a few times. I have to do it creatively, because with their new software, they now censor words and variations of those words misspelled (before, you should've seen my sailor tongue fly).
Sometimes he heeds my cussing and deals me a couple good hands. Then the beats come, and I throw my cards at him and leave in a huff.
I've taken to watching others lose at blackjack, to remind me how bad a game it really is. I'm not above chatting at their table, telling them the game is rigged, and to leave or else they'll lose all their hard-earned poker money (yes, I'm really talking to myself). If they don't, I'll curse them out too. A gambling boy scout of sorts, doing my good deed of the day until Pokerroom bans me.
I page through each table until I find someone sitting with over $1000, then take out the popcorn and watch with a sadistic grin. I've even set up a spreadsheet to record the amounts he bets and whether he wins, loses, or ties. Just to see how far off the data appears from my own and to see if I can gather any patterns (I'm fooling myself, because any apparent patterns are inconsequential unless looking at millions of hands). If I don't bring up the table, I can cycle through all the table names and it will show the name of the player and their bankroll. Cycling through a second time, it will show their original bankroll and then update to the current bankroll. Inevitably it's lower. Pokerroom should do something about this, because I don't think they want people to know. 'Course, it won't stop people from gambling anyway.
Also thought I could pick up some betting strategies, because flat betting isn't the way to go. But nope -- no winning strategies that I could tell; pretty much everyone I Rear Windowed lost. More often than not, I'm seeing players aren't always using basic strategy. If you sit with 10 large at a table, you should know not to split 10s.
However, I must say out of all the online casinos I've played blackjack, Pokerroom seems to be the fairest. Just bet small and use basic strategy.
Oh yeah, did I mention you can play poker at Pokerroom too?
While I'm on the subject of blackjack, here's the flip side of the story, which is the more common one, and which still burns me enough to post about it two weeks later.
Paradise now offers blackjack. Since the sportsbook bought them out, I wouldn't be surprised if they roll out more casino games.
Word has it funds from blackjack have gone through the roof for Paradise. Including some of my funds. Think poker sites make a ton of money off rake? It's nothing compared to what they get from the casino end.
As far as blackjack play goes, it's one of the worst. The biggest negative is that it's clunky and slow, as if they stole code from a public domain shareware version of blackjack. No excuse for that coming from client software. Even Pokerroom is fast, and it's all Java applets from a web browser. The second negative is that you can time out. That's right, if you pause longer than 21 seconds, you'll hear that annoying Paradise buzzer and the hand will continue as if you decided to take no cards. This is blackjack and it's timed! It's single player only, so there's no reason for it. Paradise heard a sailor mouthful from me, believe me.
Since they've introduced it, the icon comes and goes from the main lobby. When it's not there, I assume they're fixing bugs. Then it returns, and the negatives are still there.
The one positive: you're able to bet as high as $300. Most other online casinos don't go that high. Pokerroom, for instance, caps at $100 (though in Pokerroom, you can play up to five hands).
Should you play it? Of course not. Haven't you been reading how badly I've been doing? Here's some proof. This is from the last time I played blackjack at Paradise. And the last time I will play blackjack at Paradise.
Prior to this session, I played 30-some hands and the dealer hit blackjack six of those hands. Okay, 20 percent is nothing in a sample of a few dozen hands.
But courtesy of Paradise's hand histories (which are not available through most casino software... perhaps there's a reason, eh?), here's the transcript of my next session (I changed my Paradise screen name because I didn't want it posted here, but if you really want to know you could figure it out):
Game #781836741 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:50:05.6 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($1,175.00 in chips) grubby: Bet ($75) Dealt to grubby [ 5h ] Dealt to Dealer [ 8c ] Dealt to grubby [ 6c ] Dealt to Dealer [ 3h ] grubby: Double ($75) Dealt to grubby [ Ad ] Dealt to Dealer [ Td ]
Dealer [ 8c 3h Td ] (21) grubby [ 5h 6c Ad ] (12) grubby lost $150 ----------------------------------------------------- Game #781836926 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:50:13.2 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($1,025.00 in chips) grubby: Bet ($75) Dealt to grubby [ 9c ] Dealt to Dealer [ Ah ] Dealt to grubby [ Qd ] Dealt to Dealer [ Ks ]
Dealer [ Ah Ks ] (21) grubby [ 9c Qd ] (19) grubby lost $75 ----------------------------------------------------- Game #781837131 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:50:23.0 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($950.00 in chips) grubby: Bet ($75) Dealt to grubby [ Ac ] Dealt to Dealer [ 2d ] Dealt to grubby [ 5d ] Dealt to Dealer [ Ac ] grubby: No Insurance grubby: Hit Dealt to grubby [ 3h ] grubby: Stand Dealt to Dealer [ Td ] Dealt to Dealer [ 8c ]
Dealer [ 2d Ac Td 8c ] (21) grubby [ Ac 5d 3h ] (19) grubby lost $75 ----------------------------------------------------- Game #781837418 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:50:36.0 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($875.00 in chips) grubby: Bet ($75) Dealt to grubby [ 2c ] Dealt to Dealer [ Ac ] Dealt to grubby [ 5c ] Dealt to Dealer [ Kh ]
Dealer [ Ac Kh ] (21) grubby [ 2c 5c ] (7) grubby lost $75 ----------------------------------------------------- Game #781837609 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:50:45.7 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($800.00 in chips) grubby: Bet ($75) Dealt to grubby [ 6s ] Dealt to Dealer [ 5c ] Dealt to grubby [ Ad ] Dealt to Dealer [ 3s ] grubby: Hit Dealt to grubby [ 5h ] grubby: Stand Dealt to Dealer [ 9h ]
Dealer [ 5c 3s 9h ] (17) grubby [ 6s Ad 5h ] (12) grubby lost $75 ----------------------------------------------------- Game #781838464 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:51:30.0 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($725.00 in chips) grubby: Bet ($75) Dealt to grubby [ Kc ] Dealt to Dealer [ 9h ] Dealt to grubby [ 7s ] Dealt to Dealer [ 2h ] grubby: Stand Dealt to Dealer [ As ] Dealt to Dealer [ 8d ]
Dealer [ 9h 2h As 8d ] (20) grubby [ Kc 7s ] (17) grubby lost $75 ----------------------------------------------------- Game #781838656 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:51:39.8 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($650.00 in chips) grubby: Bet ($75) Dealt to grubby [ 5s ] Dealt to Dealer [ 8d ] Dealt to grubby [ 2s ] Dealt to Dealer [ 8s ] grubby: Hit Dealt to grubby [ 9s ] grubby: Hit Dealt to grubby [ Kc ]
Dealer [ 8d 8s ] (16) grubby [ 5s 2s 9s Kc ] (26) grubby lost $75 ----------------------------------------------------- Game #781839561 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:52:24.4 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($575.00 in chips) grubby: Bet ($75) Dealt to grubby [ 3h ] Dealt to Dealer [ 3s ] Dealt to grubby [ Qc ] Dealt to Dealer [ 9c ] grubby: Hit Dealt to grubby [ Ks ]
Dealer [ 3s 9c ] (12) grubby [ 3h Qc Ks ] (23) grubby lost $75 ----------------------------------------------------- Game #781839744 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:52:31.8 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($500.00 in chips) grubby: Bet ($75) Dealt to grubby [ Qd ] Dealt to Dealer [ 2h ] Dealt to grubby [ Ad ] Dealt to Dealer [ Ah ] grubby: No Insurance
Dealer [ 2h Ah ] (13) grubby [ Qd Ad ] (21) grubby bet $75, collected $187.50, net +$112.50 ----------------------------------------------------- Game #781839968 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:52:44.9 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($612.50 in chips) grubby: Bet ($75) Dealt to grubby [ 9c ] Dealt to Dealer [ 7s ] Dealt to grubby [ 9c ] Dealt to Dealer [ 8s ] grubby: Stand Dealt to Dealer [ 5s ]
Dealer [ 7s 8s 5s ] (20) grubby [ 9c 9c ] (18) grubby lost $75 ----------------------------------------------------- Game #781840142 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:52:52.3 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($537.50 in chips) grubby: Bet ($75) Dealt to grubby [ 3c ] Dealt to Dealer [ Ks ] Dealt to grubby [ 4h ] Dealt to Dealer [ Th ] grubby: Hit Dealt to grubby [ Jc ] grubby: Stand
Dealer [ Ks Th ] (20) grubby [ 3c 4h Jc ] (17) grubby lost $75 ----------------------------------------------------- Game #781840367 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:53:02.1 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($462.50 in chips) grubby: Bet ($75) Dealt to grubby [ 5s ] Dealt to Dealer [ 7c ] Dealt to grubby [ 7c ] Dealt to Dealer [ Td ] grubby: Hit Dealt to grubby [ 2s ] grubby: Hit Dealt to grubby [ 7s ]
Dealer [ 7c Td ] (17) grubby [ 5s 7c 2s 7s ] (21) grubby bet $75, collected $150, net +$75 ----------------------------------------------------- Game #781840600 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:53:12.1 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($537.50 in chips) grubby: Bet ($75) Dealt to grubby [ 4h ] Dealt to Dealer [ Ad ] Dealt to grubby [ 2h ] Dealt to Dealer [ Qh ]
Dealer [ Ad Qh ] (21) grubby [ 4h 2h ] (6) grubby lost $75 ----------------------------------------------------- Game #781840795 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:53:22.2 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($462.50 in chips) grubby: Bet ($75) Dealt to grubby [ Kc ] Dealt to Dealer [ 4s ] Dealt to grubby [ 2s ] Dealt to Dealer [ Jc ] grubby: Hit Dealt to grubby [ 3d ] grubby: Hit Dealt to grubby [ Tc ]
Dealer [ 4s Jc ] (14) grubby [ Kc 2s 3d Tc ] (25) grubby lost $75 ----------------------------------------------------- Game #781841008 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:53:32.0 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($387.50 in chips) grubby: Bet ($75) Dealt to grubby [ 2c ] Dealt to Dealer [ 3h ] Dealt to grubby [ 4h ] Dealt to Dealer [ 6d ] grubby: Hit Dealt to grubby [ 8h ] grubby: Stand Dealt to Dealer [ Qs ]
Dealer [ 3h 6d Qs ] (19) grubby [ 2c 4h 8h ] (14) grubby lost $75 ----------------------------------------------------- Game #781841234 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:53:44.4 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($312.50 in chips) grubby: Bet ($75) Dealt to grubby [ 2h ] Dealt to Dealer [ Tc ] Dealt to grubby [ 6d ] Dealt to Dealer [ Kh ] grubby: Hit Dealt to grubby [ Ah ] grubby: Stand
Dealer [ Tc Kh ] (20) grubby [ 2h 6d Ah ] (19) grubby lost $75 ----------------------------------------------------- Game #781841453 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:53:54.3 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($237.50 in chips) grubby: Bet ($75) Dealt to grubby [ 3s ] Dealt to Dealer [ 6h ] Dealt to grubby [ 4h ] Dealt to Dealer [ Tc ] grubby: Hit Dealt to grubby [ Js ] grubby: Stand Dealt to Dealer [ 2d ]
Dealer [ 6h Tc 2d ] (18) grubby [ 3s 4h Js ] (17) grubby lost $75 ----------------------------------------------------- Game #781841699 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:54:05.6 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($162.50 in chips) grubby: Bet ($75) Dealt to grubby [ Ad ] Dealt to Dealer [ As ] Dealt to grubby [ Ks ] Dealt to Dealer [ 7s ]
Dealer [ As 7s ] (18) grubby [ Ad Ks ] (21) grubby bet $75, collected $187.50, net +$112.50 ----------------------------------------------------- Game #781841896 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:54:15.5 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($275.00 in chips) grubby: Bet ($75) Dealt to grubby [ 4d ] Dealt to Dealer [ Ah ] Dealt to grubby [ Td ] Dealt to Dealer [ 3d ] grubby: Stand Dealt to Dealer [ 5c ]
Dealer [ Ah 3d 5c ] (19) grubby [ 4d Td ] (14) grubby lost $75 ----------------------------------------------------- Game #781842109 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:54:25.3 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($200.00 in chips) grubby: Bet ($75) Dealt to grubby [ Qc ] Dealt to Dealer [ Kh ] Dealt to grubby [ 2d ] Dealt to Dealer [ Ah ] grubby: No Insurance
Dealer [ Kh Ah ] (21) grubby [ Qc 2d ] (12) grubby lost $75 ----------------------------------------------------- Game #781842295 - Blackjack 2005/04/06-22:54:33.6 (CST) Table "Blackjack" [204236918] (real money) Seat 1: grubby ($125.00 in chips) grubby: Bet ($300) Dealt to grubby [ 9s ] Dealt to Dealer [ Qs ] Dealt to grubby [ 9s ] Dealt to Dealer [ Ad ]
Dealer [ Qs Ad ] (21) grubby [ 9s 9s ] (18) grubby bet $300, collected $175, net -$125
(That last hand is a bug on Paradise's part -- I bet the maximum I was able to, which it interpreted as its own maximum of $300.)
Five more blackjacks in 21 more hands.
I don't like that trend.
Rigged or a bad run? You decide. Even I know when it's time to throw in the towel.
On Paradise's blackjack, anyway.
— —
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Timing is everything
Yesterday afternoon, I went to Bellagio to attend the PPT finals. I shaved, showered, and took out a brand new Eddie Bauer shirt that was still in plastic (I should've ironed it, as it still had the fold creases), because I may be on the teevee screaming in the audience for Doyle to take 'em all down.
Linda Johnson said to meet at the Tower Ballroom promptly at 3 p.m. and to bring a book because it wouldn't begin till 4 p.m. She also said if I brought a camera, I could get a picture from the commentator booth (not one for pictures, the camera stayed home).
Self-parking at Bellagio is a chore on busy days, because they check every car's trunk. If you're thinking of smuggling firearms or a Mexican, you'd better visit another casino.
Fortunately, on a Monday afternoon it wasn't crowded at all. I was fourth in line, popped the trunk to show them a case of Diet Coke (which is smuggling contraband in itself, as Vegas is a freakin' Pepsi town), and parked near the elevators.
Got to the ballroom at 2:45 p.m. and all I saw was an MRI conference and attendees looking decidedly glum. They really should hire showgirls and offer free liquor at conventions to boost spirits.
I saw a red light along each of the doors to Tower Ballroom 1-3 and decided to ignore it and try door number one. It was unlocked. With the wide corridors and alternating tile and carpeted floor, I felt a Shining moment (the one where li'l Danny rides his Big Wheel and stops at the bathroom door and then tries the knob -- that was locked JUST A SECOND AGO -- and sees the naked slot player drowned in the bathtub).
The door opened to no naked women but a lone sign that had the CBS logo.
Now I know WPT always meets at Bellagio, but could it have been Mirage? Is there a Tower Ballroom at Mirage? Is PPT meeting elsewhere?
I was confused enough that I walked up and down the corridors a few more times far enough to see a new -- or new to me -- gelato place with huge glass contraptions containing flowing chocolate rivers, the closest chocolate factory this side of Willy Wonka. The chocolate looked so smooth, it didn't seem to be moving at all. I was severely tempted but had no money.
In several places around the meeting room area, electric signs display what meetings are taking place. MRI, GE, NAB... but no PPT initials. The Simons-Simonds wedding at the wedding chapel, though I didn't think my Eddie Bauer shirt would pass.
I then marched back to the ballroom and confidently opened the ballroom door again, as if expecting to see a whole production studio materialize in the 15 minutes that I was last there.
Still nothing but crickets. No Allen Funt, either.
I asked at the poker room (which is being renovated and all tables are in the main area, a la Excalibur before they moved), and they said it was being taped at the Fontana Bar.
Headed over there and saw people playing, but no taping or seating going on.
But I found out it's taping next Monday (when I'll be out of town).
I showered for nothing.
Didn't want to waste a trip, so went to the ATM and attempted to play poker but the waiting list was longer than the list of new Popes. Tried to go to Monte Carlo (heard the tram had reopened), but a sign said the tram was temporarily closed.
Live poker was just not in the cards, so I decided to go home and play online (big mistake, see below).
On the way out, I stopped at the Conservatory where you can smell flowers from miles around, or at least as far as Wynn. Helped by his nametag (I can never recognize anyone), I spotted Byron Allen who was there with the National Association of Broadcasters. Ol' Byron's looking pretty big these days, his head the size of a pumpkin and lucky for him he wasn't visiting the Conservatory at Halloween, or else little kids would be posing for pictures and asking what his carving was. But that's what a cancelled talk show and a Vegas trip will do to you -- bloat you into a pumpkin.
I'm talking all mean about Byron because I continued my downward poker spiral online, and it's not fun or funny, so he's the closest paragraph I have to a target. The table's been so bloody the past couple days that I should check my chromosomes because I could swear it's my time of the month. I will still spare you the bad beats... for now.
In a few days I'll be back in gambling rehab (California), and I'm considering not even visiting any of the cardbarns. Though I'm not playing scared, I'm now going through living expenses for my poker roll as fast as that gelato was dripping, and it's tough steeling myself to losing a month's rent in a day.
It's so bad, I didn't even consider playing slots or blackjack.
Tonight, a bunch of 2+2ers including Linda are playing a private NL table at MGM (upstairs in the new poker room), and though I'm one of the alternates, I may skip it. They play from 80/160 to 300/600 and losing a couple buy-ins will mean nothing to them, so I'm sure there'll be plenty of beats. One person said (and I don't think it was in jest) that he'll be limiting his losses and is only bringing $2000.
I've dropped the 100+9 and 50+5 SnGs and downgraded to the 30+3s, which don't seem better and are T200 less chips (in other words, you don't always have the luxury of waiting for a hand). I've also noticed there are far fewer people moving all-in in the first round. I'd almost think players are getting better, but I know better.
I've added 5/10 6max again (two tables only), but I get crushed by those who call 90 percent (really) no matter how many raises to them. Someone played 72o UTG and cracked my Kings. He cold-called a 3bet and stayed with bottom pair on the flop, even calling a check-raise on the turn before rivering his 7. (Oops, I just posted a bad beat.) Worse, he didn't even say, "THE HAMMER!" after he won.
The same guy raised with 56o and I 3bet him with AKs. I wish a King hadn't flopped, because it kept me there to the end (he flopped trip 5s, so I was already dead... and he hit his 6 in further taunting from the poker gods). He also called down anyone with an Ace or a King. Good player to have in a game. I had position on the guy and tried isolating as best I could. Alas, my money went to him, and his money went to others. I bled through four buy-ins (aka, one rent payment) before he went through his one buy-in, and the whole table then called it quits.
Time to do a Ben & Jerry's run and collect as many free cones as possible.
The Vegas B&J's that are participating in free cone day are Green Valley Ranch, Sunset Station, The Palms, and Aladdin.
And that's my plan for today, in that order, if I skip MGM.
— —
Monday, April 18, 2005
Exchanging an arm and a leg
I've been running so bad lately (which began before and continued throughout my LA trip) that the last thing I want to do is sit and play, but I can't not play. So I do. And I lose. Terribly frustrating.
Had a hand where I flopped a set with pocket 10s and someone else flopped top set with pocket Aces. I was elated because at least my opponent had the better hand. More often than not it seems people continually call me with the worst and run into miracles. One person hit a gutshot on the river to my pocket Aces and had the nerve to say, "Pocket Aces only hold up 15 percent of the time" (this was a limit game online -- I always bet big with Aces in NL). God bless him, he called two bets cold preflop with 47o. If he'd said that in person, I would've been one of those disgruntled locals who toss chips and a beer in his face and then storm out, flipping the double-bird behind.
I'd list some beats, but beats in general are a dime a dozen, so I'll save you that pain. If this run keeps up, I may force some beat posts on you. I'll warn you in advance, the above paragraph notwithstanding.
Thought I'd recap this past weekend, which is par for most weekends. Nothing much of interest, but better than staring at blank white space.
Friday after a filling Ellis Island dinner (which now has placemats with $5 matchplays), I worked off the heavily buttered and sour creamed baked potato by playing some single-deck "Super Fun 21" blackjack, which isn't super fun when blackjacks are even money and people buy in for $6 (all one-dollar bills, mind you), lose, and leave.
Only two tables were running, and the cocktail waitress came over to me twice to ask if I wanted anything to drink. She touched me on the shoulder both times. I said no both times.
Then she comes over a third time and plops a chardonnay in front of me.
I accepted it. I guess it looked as if I needed a drink.
Never have I been sweated so much by the pit boss, just for placing $25 and $50 bets, but it was probably more the lack of tables running than any watchful eye on me.
I'm not a counter, though I should learn. I'm aware of Aces used and have a general sense of how many 10s are out, but that's it. I should really work on a system to remember exactly what cards have been played. Maybe 7-card-stud would help with that.
Then headed to Mandalay Bay, where they had a tax booth set up near the Shark Reef. Send your taxes through them and get a free t-shirt plus a pass to see the sharkies. As their promo stated, "We'll take an arm and a leg." I hadn't heard of any other tax day offer, and this was much better than lining up in the long line of cars to the post office off Sunset Road. There's even a separate entrance to the Shark Reef with barely any cars in the parking lot (though I didn't know this until too late).
Had a good time wandering through the aquarium and listening to the audio wand. Hadn't seen most of those fish before, and good thing I had steak for dinner, or else I would've craved sushi.
Then to Sunset Station to spend a $25 matchplay and $20 free slotplay. They send me these coupons every week to get me into the casino two more days a week (I'm at Sunset about 5-6 days a week).
The slots were unkind to me but kind to my neighbors. On The Terminator progressive slots, the woman next to me won $1200. On the Millioniser penny slots, the woman next to me kept hitting the free spins and I walked away seeing her balance at $500.
These are huge wins in penny slots. Unlike, say, blackjack, there's no use in chasing losses in slots because it's rare you'll be able to turn $100 into $1000. Indeed, most people I see stick in a $20 to begin with. It's more difficult for me to keep track $20 at a time, so I go with $100.
As usual, I moved to blackjack to try to make up my slot losses. Played in the Party Pit, where dealers and tables are dressed in groovy shagadelic colors, a live band is playing, and there's a lava lamp on each table.
As if that decor weren't enough, every time you hit a blackjack, you get a raffle ticket that goes into a drum. Every Friday and Saturday this month, three tickets are drawn at 10 p.m., midnight, and 2 a.m. for a spin on a wheel that awards from $25 to $2500. No one spun more than $50.
Shirley, a dealer from Hawaii, began giving out tickets every time you tipped her or if you went through a prolonged losing streak. She also said "goddamn" if you lost when you should've won. When a woman who split her 10s in third base (this play will help as much as hurt the table, but it doesn't do anything for the table's karma) asked where the bathroom was, Shirley misdirected her so she'd be gone longer than expected.
I like any dealer who's rooting that much for the player.
By the end of the 2 a.m. drawing, I had many tickets (none of which hit in the three raffles) even if I didn't have as many chips. Noticing my desperation bets, Shirley said that I must do well financially in my job and asked me what I did for a living. I said, "Compulsive gambler."
Every Saturday, I pick up a free gift. I missed the wooden paper towel holder (something I actually need), the Mikasa glass vase, the wooden banana holder, and the metal mixing bowls, but I stopped by to pick up a wooden fruit holder. They've picked these giveaways as trinkets that are just above a keychain; otherwise, I wouldn't bother making a special trip.
I have, however, stopped picking up the mystery cash on Wednesdays. This awards a minimum of $3 and if you're lucky, a spin on the wheel which goes from $10 to $1000. I've only picked up $3, which considering how much gas is these days, barely pays for the roundtrip to the casino.
After picking up the fruit holder, I resisted the urge to play and went straight to Cannery to see Survivor (the band).
Survivor has a special place in my heart growing up. Theirs was the first piece of music I digitized on my Atari 130xe through the joystick ports. I ran a Bulletin Board System then (the first BBS in DC at 9600 baud!) and had a mystery music raffle, awarding a prize to the first person who guessed a snippet of a tune. But the main reason I did the contest was to digitize the voice of a girl I liked as the intro. I offered her a royalty payment of a percentage of the proceeds, which amounted to a few pennies. I then mailed her a check, and was heartbroken to see that she'd later cashed it. I'd thought she would've kept the check as a souvenir. Oh what a crush to a li'l grub's ego.
The Club at Cannery seats maybe 400, and the back wall was opened to outdoor seating and bleechers (though there weren't more than 500 people there -- it was far from sold out, poor Survivor). Behind that is Cannery's pool (about the size of what you'd imagine for a small hotel pool) and hotel rooms. Next time a band comes that I want to see, I could book a room facing the pool and enjoy the concert for free, like many of the hotel guests did.
The $14.95 ticket price was a steal, and I paid more in fees, taxes, and concessions (Coronoa, hotdog, salsa fries -- which were just a bag of Andy Capp fries).
The show was good, and I sat close enough that my ears were still ringing a day later.
Jimi Jamison sauntered around in black t-shirt and sunglasses, and at first I mistook him for a poker player.
But he still had the voice, and they went through all their hits, ending with "Eye of the Tiger" and doing one encore that I was unfamiliar with.
After the show, played slots for their Nike polo shirt promotion. Earn 600 points on Saturdays and get a free shirt. That freakin' shirt cost me $252, and it has not only Nike's but Cannery's logo on it so by wearing it, I'm sandwich boarding for the casino. I have to get over my obsession with free stuff that in the end costs more.
Then to blackjack to recover. I'd almost made it, then ran into a losing streak of five hands in a row. At that time, I asked the pit boss if I could get a comp to their 24-hour cafe, and she said sure. After losing three more hands, she came back and said that I didn't have enough on my card.
Excuse me, Ms. Cannery, I've been playing $25 to $100 hands for five hours, you're an off-Strip casino, and you're denying me a $5 comp?
I had half a mind to color up and leave at that moment, but I wanted to show her.
I was down to $300 and bet $100. Lost. Then bet $200. Lost.
That sure showed her.
In the cashier line to cash out my $48 slot ticket, I ran into the guys who were making a commotion at the roulette table next to blackjack. They hit their number 22... twice in a row. It's bad enough to lose, but to be around lucky people who win... well, pissed-off isn't strong enough to describe how I feel.
Leaving Cannery, I noticed its cross street is called Losee. Should've paid attention to that as foreshadowing.
It was 4 a.m. and I was still hungry, so stopped at Wild Wild West to drown my losses in a decent $9.95 prime rib dinner (including a big bowl of chicken noodle soup, baked potato, corn, bread, and delicious chocolate cake).
The Gamblers Grill was packed. That's what I love about Vegas -- you're never too far from fellow degenerates sharing a midnight snack.
Sunday I got up late and went to UNLV for the final performance of the play Wit that the Nevada Conservatory was putting on. I missed Judith Light in the Kennedy Center (or was it National?) production, and was looking forward to it with trepidation. Vegas theater acting can stop a rape, so I now go in with the lowest of expectations.
This was my first time at UNLV, and I parked in the garage near the theater. After entering the wrong theater, I was directed to the Black Box and two ushers taking tickets. I asked where I could purchase tickets, and they said at the box office outside and to the left.
I went to the left, found nothing, then went back and asked again.
They pointed to the right. Oh, my other left.
Still couldn't find it and another guy showed me the box office, which was oddly situated as part of the garage. When I got there, a sign said that Wit was sold out. I asked what my chances were of getting on a waiting list, and the guy shrugged and said I could try.
I marched back to the Black Box and found the same two ushers. They asked if I found the box office and I said yes. I said, "You're sold out," and they nodded in unison. Could I be put on a waiting list? As the house manager added my name, I asked the ushers if they knew the show was sold out. One put her long-fingernailed hand to her mouth and giggled a "Sorry" like she was 10 years old.
Being on a wild-goose chase like this aggravates me more than being rivered. I have no patience for incompetence, least of all by UNLV theater students who stink at ushering and are mildly better at acting.
A few minutes before curtain, the house manager let all four of us waiting listers in.
I counted the empty seats and see 31. Thirty-one freakin' empty seats. The theater seats about 150. Twenty percent was empty, and they post it's sold out.
What I'd found in running my theater group and in talking with theaters is that generally 15 percent of people who've reserved or even purchased advance tickets will not show up for one reason or another. Sometimes theaters will anticipate this and overbook by 15 percent.
And here they close the show with the house 80 percent full.
The play itself was good, about what I'd imagined when reading it a few years ago. The lead was good and the supporting cast (UNLV students) were uniformly bad. A couple students in the audience were obviously forced to attend, as they were text messaging on their phones, perhaps to each other. One kept checking the time on her cell every minute (because the light would come on) and she even took a call during the performance.
I'd intended to go to Terrible's for the chicken dinner but found myself downtown at Neonopolis. Had a quick Panda Express and then went to Fitzgeralds to cash out my points.
Fitz had downgraded me to belittling coupons such as "free parking," and I put them on my boycott list.
But then I thought, I may as well try to take them for some money.
Spotted an empty blackjack table and sat down (the action in me prefers to play alone, the faster the better). Went through my first buy-in pretty quickly, and never recovered in my second two buy-ins.
I sure showed them.
Pulled out more from the ATM and sat in a Deuces Wild game, more to cool down. Five buy-ins there down the drain, and that was that.
Never try to show up a casino, they'll only end up taking everything in your wallet.
Did the walk of shame back to my car, stopped at Sonic for some comfort food -- tots, Smoothie, and Island Fire (they're no longer advertising the Island Fire double cheeseburger, but if you ask for it they'll still make it). Then I realized I'd just had Panda three hours prior.
No wonder I've gained xx pounds since moving here.
This week I'm doubling up on poker and hope to push through the bad run. Because as bad as a bad run might be, it's nothing compared to what I've been losing in the casinos and gaining in the midsection.
— —
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Rivered by grubette
These gals make a world of difference while getting bad beaten all over the place.
grubette's been playing on PokerStars and she's been doing pretty well in the two-table SnGs, then gets drunk and plays limit to recoup the entry fees in the SnGs she doesn't place.
She sent this more for the chat afterwards, wondering why there're observers watching a 2/4 game.
grubette has T Q (straight, queen high). CO has A Q (high card, ace). Button has A K (high card, ace). Outcome: grubette wins 12.25 BB. Button wins 1.50 BB.
CO said, "what an idiot" grubette said, "yeah that was so wrong" MP2 said, "how bad do u feel grub?" grubette said, "don't feel bad i'm drunk" gator8373 [observer] said, "you are a ****wad" MP2 said, "0 to 90 in 30 seconds" grubette said, "amazing" grubette said, "pokerstarsriver" triweasel [observer] said, "gator sez you are a f**kwad - must be true" CO said, "****wad or ****wad" triweasel [observer] said, "the second one" gator8373 [observer] said, "phuckwad" gator8373 [observer] said, "how about that" grubette said, "words man just words" triweasel [observer] said, "way to keep it real g"
Now I have to defend my sis and say that this wasn't a bad play, at least post-flop (we won't talk about preflop). She was shortstacked and after the flop already had over half her stack in the pot with two others in as well. If she put someone on AK or AQ, a bluff bet isn't a bad play (though a check-raise bluff would be even better). In low-limit games, however, bluffs are best not attempted.
By the turn and one card left, her odds decrease, but she was all-in for $5 (1.25BB) more.
It's interesting how much people overvalue AK and AQ, who shouldn't have been calling past the turn, much less raising.
I keep telling her she should play NL. Her aggressive style and tilting banter would scare the bejeebus out of her opponents.
When grubette left the table, she said, "the wad is leaving!"
— —
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Matching socks and tennis shoes
So on Saturday I'm at the premier of a new play called Questa that stars Wendie Malick, who I was a fan of on "Dream On" and "Just Shoot Me." Her being in the show wasn't the draw; it being a new play was (and it turned out to be a not-very-good-overly-melodramatic-desperately-in-need-of-an-editor play).
Earlier that day I'd met a friend for lunch at ArcLight, a swanky Los Angeles mega movie theater where celebs hang out because they're the only ones who can afford the $14 ticket. Though if you sign up for their free membership, you get selected movies for a buck off.
We ate grilled chicken sandwiches (with bean sprouts, because it's LA) and fries in the cafe, then another friend joined and we saw Sin City in the Cineramadome, which for some reason I kept calling the Hippodrome. They had assigned seating, a guy came out to introduce the movie, and after the trailers the curtain closed only to open again before the feature presentation. I guess that's what you get for $14 per ticket.
I had stayed up all night playing poker at The Bicycle Casino (a very good 200NL 3/5 game on the TV table, which I liked except for the little cameras that viewed your hole cards), so I dozed throughout the movie and mixed dreams with scenes. This happened before with City of Lost Children and Memento, and to this day I swear certain things occurred that didn't. All I remember of the movie amounts to a few disjointed trailer moments (which I suspect composed the movie anyway), but I'll wait for the DVD to see it again. Love those Rodriguez commentaries.
Then tried getting to Pasadena to see a matinee of Doubt, but the 40 minutes that I had to get there found me still in 110 traffic. Fortunately the theater let me change the ticket to their final performance Sunday night for $10 extra. Better than losing the entire cost. I was willing to eat the ticket of the other show I'd planned that evening (a new play called Shove), because I wouldn't get another chance to see it unless I make a NYC trip. It's almost a certainty that Doubt will win a Tony and I wanted to see it before it became impossible to see.
But back to Questa. It's at the Court Theatre, a nice hole-in-the-wall place off La Cienega (a few doors up from Late Night Catechism 2, which I'm making a mental note to see on my next trip), and I found parking a few blocks north near Santa Monica Blvd. You would think there'd be parking available, what with all the cars caught up in traffic jams.
Court is located within a rustic alleyway that leads to a small courtyard, fountain, and wooden benches. The theater was general seating where the program acted as your ticket, and it probably sat 99 and was Equity waivered. Just my kind of theater.
The credits listed David Milch (of "NYPD Blue" fame) as executive producer, a title I'm unfamiliar with in plays of this small scope, but I'm guessing he's putting up the money. This ain't Broadway, so it certainly won't be costing the $2.5 million that Democracy will lose by closing early this weekend, but I'm thinking Milch probably has screenplay rights locked up as well.
Heard in the audience that Malick is holding up production on a movie so she could do this play. That's always nice to hear. Gives theater more respect.
Interestingly, Questa has an entirely different cast on Sundays, complete with their own understudies. That can't have been an easy rehearsal for the director. I assume this is in preparation for possibly continuing the run after the main cast leaves.
Sat in the front row next to a well-dressed woman wearing a scarf. An attractive girl sat down next to her, and I had a fleeting thought that it was too bad I wasn't on the other side so I'd be sitting next to her.
They didn't seem to be related, just friends. The girl had a brown suede jacket, long brown hair, and was also wearing a scarf.
Besides being cute, she had a fun personality.
As she crossed her legs, she picked at her socks and mentioned how her brown shoes didn't match her black socks. She jokingly wondered if it would be distracting to the actors by being in the front row.
Me, I was one of the underdressed in the crowd and slowly slid my tennis-shoed feet under my chair and spread the program across my jeans.
The girl then said to the woman, "Let's sit over there," and they moved to the second row. As they sat down, the girl said to me, "No offense to you."
I lamented, "Oh no, now they'll see my tennis shoes," and she laughed.
During intermission, she came over to an older couple who took their places next to me. They looked up and said, "Oh hello, Danica."
And then it hit me: Winnie Cooper!
I watched every episode of "The Wonder Years" and savored the one with Kevin and Winnie's first kiss, along with Winnie's breakdown toward the end when she moved. Heartbreaking. Dan Lauria (who played Kevin's father) was in the play, so it all clicked together.
Here I was trying to hit on this girl, who probably thought I was talking to her because she was famous, that she moved seats to escape a possible stalker situation.
I really need to work on my social skills.
— —
Friday, April 08, 2005
Korean Windows
I'm at a 24-hour Internet cafe in Los Angeles. Half the machines say "Korean Windows" and half say "English Windows." I picked the English. The person to my left is playing Half-Life. The person to my right is looking at gay porn.
In desperate need of creative inspiration (and to get away from the evils of gambling), I planned a little LA vacation to take in as much theater as I could... despite the fact that I'll be here again in two weeks (for even more theater!).
Planned my trip around seven plays, one of which I'd tried to see six years ago and as luck would have it, the same theater group remounted.
Another is Doubt, by one of my favorite playwrights, John Patrick Shanley, who just won the Pulitzer for that play. Linda Hunt stars in the Pasadena production, with this final weekend being closing. Odd that it's also simultaneously on Broadway, which isn't usually done.
Another is What a Pair, a musical benefit for breast cancer honoring Renee Zellwegger and Nancy Ryder, both whom I expect will show up. I won't deny that my main reason for seeing this as well as the whole LA trip is Zooey Deschanel, whom I'd mentioned I would travel to LA anytime she was singing.
My disgust of driving long distances found me parking at Green Valley Ranch and taking the free shuttle (swankiest shuttle I've seen, with leather seats and wetbars) to the airport. Due to technical problems with the air conditioning, we were grounded longer than it took to fly to LA.
I'm staying at the Radisson on Wilshire Blvd., a downtown spot near Chinatown and Koreatown that has absolutely no parking except between 2 and 4 in the afternoon. Radisson has taken advantage of this by having a parking garage but no self-parking. It's all valet, and it all costs.
I'm spoiled by free valet at all the casino-hotels in Vegas. Radisson charges $13 plus tax. For guests! With tip on top of that, it's pretty ridiculous.
They have a brochure advertising SelectComfort's Number Bed, which I ask about but they only have three and they're all in use. I take a regular king and get my typical view of building roofs.
The Notary Association is having their convention at the Radisson this weekend, so if I can't select a comfort number for my bed, I can take comfort knowing if I need anyone to witness my signature, they're a stone's throw away.
In the room, the vent has a car pine air freshener dangling in front of it. Not sure if a guest did this or if it's a standard hotel amenity. There's a coffeemaker with instant coffee from Wolfgang Puck. I don't drink coffee, but pizza-flavored coffee I might have to try. At least the bathmat isn't paper. They advertise high-speed Internet, but only downstairs and per hour. I brought my laptop, but it's pretty useless. Thank God for this Internet cafe, where I can sip a smoothie and learn a little bit of Korean. (Though in paying by the hour, I realize I spend way too much time online.)
I've been spending too much time in Vegas hotels, so my expectations are a bit high when it comes to hotels, but I expect more from a three-star.
Last night after the play (so-so, but amazing visuals), went to Commerce. Huge waiting list for NL so took a seat in 9/18. We were rarely a full 10-handed table, often 5-handed and breaking, then back to short. Whenever we would get 10-handed, someone would take a break. Oftentimes people would bust (on their short $100 buy-in) and leave.
Swings are expectedly big in this game, as any game at Commerce. I had never played with $3 chips before and found it easier to just think in terms of number of chips vs. dollar amount. In that regard, it became a 3/6 game for me. Certainly the play matched 3/6.
Played for seven hours and was satisfied with my play except for this questionable hand:
I'm one from the button with AKs. Three limpers to me, and I raise. Button and blinds call.
Six see the flop of Q86. All check to me, I bet, we lose two.
Four see the turn of 3 (possible flush). All check to me, and I check. If heads-up, I would've bet. With so many people along, I didn't think a bet would push out someone who paired up. I value AK much more in NL and view it as nothing more than a drawing hand in limit.
River is 5. Checked to me, and I check again ready to drop. The BB says, "No more checking," and throws out a bet. All fold including me, and SB calls. BB shows 47o and says, "Free card."
A turn free card, yes... although he called a raise with rags and a flop bet on a gutshot. So who's to say he wouldn't have thrown out a bet for that gutshot on the turn, too? But I think I was still dead to at least the small blind.
BB's play changed my read on him. I thought he was the best player at the table (which in these games isn't saying much), but seeing what he called and fished for informed me later how to play him.
I would've stayed longer, but I wanted to avoid morning rush hour. Didn't matter too much, as I got hopelessly lost in East LA and a city called Vernon, which looked bad particularly with a bright blue rental car target. Driving down deserted streets, people would suddenly dart into the middle or walk across defiantly while I had a green light. Some had shopping carts that they used as weapons. I felt like I was driving in a video game. Or at least back in DC.
Even with a map, LA is so big that all the little streets confuse me... give me numbered and alphabetical and syllable streets, dammit! If you were to plop me down in the middle of East LA, I would swear I were in Mexico.
Finally crawled back to the hotel at 7 a.m., all my appendages still intact.
Now getting ready to leave for the What a Pair show, which I'm hoping I won't be underdressed for being at UCLA. Got two tickets hoping to snag someone to go with, but the hookers at the bar charged too much no one was interested. Called up a director friend at the last minute, and he's up for it. He's directed two of my plays and we've talked about going for the trifecta, but I have nothing new. I'll talk up a very sketchy idea I have and see if he goes for it.
— —
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
"Feel this, it's so big"
MultiPoker has a reload bonus, but it's only worth it if you have no other bonuses to clear. It's good through April 10 and is 100 percent up to $100 (deposit $100, get $100) using bonus code APR05RELOAD. But here's the kicker: 20x raked hands to clear within 20 days. That makes it the highest clearing requirement of any Party skin. And it sets a bad precedent, because if it goes over well, other skins may also increase their raked hand requirement.
Still, if you're playing anyway, it's better than nothing, eh? Now if I could only clear these things with SnGs, I'd be all over it, but I'm skipping this one for now (particularly because there's a rumor Empire is unloading a $150 (7x) bonus tomorrow).
§
I know I'm way behind in updating and adding links in the righthand column, but I've been pretty lazy since I moved. Have been feeling pretty insular of late, and haven't been keeping up with other blogs since the blog convention in December.
The Key West ballroom in The Palms is in definite need of one of those trading spaces TV shows but for slot tournament purposes, it fits. The theme is apparently the roarin' '20s judging from the handpainted cardboard flapper girls and gangsters perched atop the banks of slots, but other than that it's pretty generic.
The whole thing has the air of a high school project.
This is my first time in a tournament at The Palms, and talking with other people, it seems most are locals. Thing about locals is they hate the Strip and are quite vocal about it -- they prefer The Palms or the Station Casinos or Sam's Town. This could be my Christmas future, but for now I like 'em all. Each has its own personality and quirks and I'm just glad there are so many to choose from; unlike, say, Atlantic City where I'd mainly shuttle between the Borgata and the Taj.
A notch above a continental breakfast was available: scrambled eggs, potatoes, bacon, pastries, cereal, yogurt... I had some of each. Also bottled water, coffee, various fruit juices, and soda.
Not too bad, particularly since I wasn't expecting to be fed at all. Now I had the opportunity to have a second breakfast.
And here's a tip: if you're ever at The Palms on a weekend morning and see a sign that says "VIP Slot Tournament," pop in and see if they're serving breakfast. If they are, help yourself! There's no carding going on.
This is the most sedated tourney I've participated in. There's no music or excitement. Even the slot machine sounds are muted. It's a long-ass 20-minutes to be mashing a button and I felt every bit of those 20 minutes. The emcee is the youngest, prettiest, and bustiest, but she's mostly window dressing with a tranquilizing voice. No pep at all and her presence practically disappears once the tourney begins.
Even if Luxor's slot tourneys didn't contain so much money with their $100K prize pool, it'd still be head and shoulders above the rest, and I didn't hesitate a bit in spreading the Luxor gospel to other Palms players. At Luxor, it's an event. They hold the tourney in the main casino (as opposed to cordoned off from the public). There's a roving video camera filming everyone that they later compile and edit together to show at the banquet. And speaking of a banquet, there is a banquet (Palms just announces the winners and pushes you out). They make you feel important. This gets other slot players curious about the tournament, wanting to know how to get invited. The emcee walks around doing Rodney Dangerfield impressions, while hitting your machine for luck. Everyone's slot hosts are in attendance, going up to each of us and also slapping our machines, calling us by our names and wishing us good luck.
But the worst thing about The Palms' slot tournament is the machines themselves. Here's the payout structure for the lucky 7s on each machine:
Quite a significant jump, just from 600 to 5000. And above that is the red-white-blue 777, paying 10,000. This makes it seem more like a video poker tournament where any royal hit is an assured win. There's really no sense in continuing past the first round if you don't hit the 10,000 at least once. All the other scores from 600 down will never add up to 10,000. It barely will approach 5000.
At Luxor and Sunset Station, even if you don't hit the jackpot during your round, you could continually hit smaller payouts and accumulate enough to match that high score and still feel you're in competition.
At The Palms, there's a huge difference in scores. Mary Lou hit the 10,000 three times and the 5000 once, which would automatically catapult her into the top 20 for all three rounds, even if she skipped the next two rounds. Pat hit for 46,000 in the first round, and she will probably win just based on that. (Update: Pat won 1st, Mary Lou won 5th.)
Seeing this and seeing your lowly score of, say, 4000, discourages players. It's not over till it's over, but the odds of hitting four of those 10,000 jackpots in the second round just to be even with Pat is pretty high. No wonder people drop out.
I should write a letter suggesting they alter the top payout to 2400. That's still a big jackpot and is still within reach by others who never hit it. This is the case with other slot tourneys that never clear 10,000 in one round.
After the first round, my score of 17,584 was good enough to place 22nd out of 156 players. After the second round, my score of 5616 dropped my placing to 62nd. My third round was 15,379 which should put me somewhere in the middle, but not near the top 20 (update: I placed an overall 41st).
While slapping that button, my slot host at Sunset Station called inviting me to their next slot tourney, which I unfortunately can't make. I felt like I was cheating on her by playing slots somewhere else, so much so that I lied to her and said I was out of town! So if she heard slot bells in the background, that would explain it.
In the second round, they handed out gifts of a nice red travel bag with wheels and extended handle. It has The Palms logo on it, thwarting any attempts at future re-gifting.
There's still a chance with the marathon prize. This goes to the top three players who've earned the most points this weekend playing slots.
1st = $5000 2nd = $2500 3rd = $1500
Twelve other prizes are awarded randomly to tickets earned from slotplay. Every 100 points ($1 coin-in = 1 point) gets you 1 ticket (and The Palms has the best deal around in cashing out points, with $1 equaling 400 points... most other casinos are $1 for 600 points).
I actually think I have a shot at one of these. Because of people's low scores in the tourney, many won't bother to show up at the 2 p.m. announcement, and you have to be present to win. Plus, many people I talked to didn't seem to be interested in playing.
(Update: I didn't place in either the slot tourney or the marathon. Oh well.)
I'd intended to leave after my second round, but The Palms is giving away $10,000 every Friday and Saturday of April just for swiping your card. And every 100 points you earned would get you an additional entry. My slotplay would work double-duty -- for the marathon prize and for this raffle.
So I played 3 1/2 hours of Deuces Wild video poker (full pay at The Palms, but only the bank near the valet) between the first and second rounds, then used my points to catch the IMAX version of Robots (written by playwright David Lindsay-Abaire!) which had no story and lame jokes but was so nice to look at, it was doubly disappointing they couldn't do something better with the plot, particularly by the author of Fuddy Meers. This is probably the first time I fell for a cartoon character -- the Halle Berry robot resembled a mechanical Virginia Madsen.
After the movie, played some penny slots until 7 p.m., the time of the drawing.
I stood in the crowd holding my tray of Panda Express (all the food court tables were taken) as they announced the winners. Sixteen player's cards were called out and they had 90 seconds to step forward and claim a portion of the $10,000. Six didn't show, so they called six more. Mine wasn't one of them.
Back to slots. Now I had no excuse but the pope and the Michigan-NC game, which I watched while playing. Some DC friends are coming to town for our annual guys-only Vegas trip in May, and lapdances were riding on the outcome.
Lost on slots (of course), which wasn't too bad considering the amount of play I got off it. Then went to blackjack hoping to recover. Sat at one of those automatic shuffler machines, which is similar to playing online because of the shuffling after each hand (except that I'm convinced online blackjack is rigged). Couldn't hit anything and lost three buy-ins before my Red Bull arrived. The dealer apologized to me, and I apologized right back for only being able to tip her $1 (my last one). If I'm left with odd change, I'll throw it at the dealer. It's not their fault I lose, after all.
Those six-deck shoes and automatic shufflers are so loaded with 10s that I think I'll have a better chance at winning double-downs and splits. But those 10s help the dealer make many more 20s.
I play basic strategy, but my luck in blackjack is bad enough that I wonder if I should switch to single-deck, despite the 6:5 blackjacks.
Ended the night in a foul mood brightened by a razzle-dazzle (hot fudge and raspberries) from the frozen custard drive-thru, which at $4.36 including tax, was pricey but worth it especially if it was going to bring me some luck which, historically, it has always brought.
Today was the third round, which didn't add enough to my final score to put me anywhere. Went home to make sure my rent check was in on time, then wrote the above, then returned to The Palms for the 2 p.m. winner announcements.
The razzle-dazzle wasn't working.
I was meeting Kathy for a play at 6 p.m., so I hung around the Strip. Went to MGM and got my name down for 6/12 in their new poker room, but though there were empty tables, I still waited 45 minutes. Left to NYNY.
Played blackjack there and won what I'd lost at The Palms plus $50 (thank you, razzle). Since NYNY dropped me from their promos, anything I can do to take money away from them gives me a perverse satisfaction that I'm bucking the system.
Arrived at the play late because I thought it was a different theater and entered a studio where women were learning how to pole-dance. Like seeing someone naked who I wasn't supposed to see, I quickly looked away. I should probably have stayed.
Kathy was late as well, and we sat in an audience of seven people... including us. It was two one-acts by known playwrights, but the first one was acted so poorly I couldn't tell whether the play was bad or they were just making it bad. This is my biggest fear in getting anything produced, and it's why I'm careful selecting who to submit plays to. It's amazing how the same script can be done wonderfully with one group of actors and then horribly with a second group. I've had mostly pleasant experiences with my plays, but a couple times I've seen some interpretations that I would want to disown (ahem, Florida). One production (ahem, Maryland) used a trampoline as part of the set dressing... the bouncing of relationships? The ups and downs? Couldn't figure it out, but I should be glad they didn't use the trampoline. I think I can safely say that I'll never have a trampoline in one of my shows again.
Because of the level of acting here, I would not want to submit anything to the local Vegas theaters for fear they'd accept it and put on a subpar show.
After Kathy and I hashed out all the things wrong with the show (found a copy of the play in one of my boxes and read it... it's better than I thought, so the playwright isn't to blame), I went back to The Palms to play poker.
The Palms is trying to boost their low turnout nights, so they're giving away $1200 on Sundays and Mondays throughout April, with drawings for poker players between 4 p.m. and 11 p.m.
Played slots while waiting for my name, then played blackjack while still waiting. Colored up once a player in second base doubled down on 12 (dealer's 5 showing). I'd also doubled my buy-in (thanks, razzle) and lost a few hands in a row, so I wanted to lock in a win before I went down further. Naomi was a terrific dealer, which means she dealt fast and anticipated draws, doubles, and splits. And, of course, because I won.
On the way home, I realized not for lack of trying, I hadn't played poker all weekend.
§
The problem with strip clubs is I fall in love too easily. All it takes is a slight compliment with a smile from a pretty girl that seems half-sincere, and I melt like A-1 sauce.
I also tend to be monogamous when it comes to dancers. I stick with one until she's too tired and has to move on. Silly, really, but I've never been one for too much variety, perhaps feeling like I'm cheating even with another stripper. Hey, if I can feel guilty playing slots at another casino, I can feel guilty with someone else on my lap.
Sure, they're only after money, but damn if I don't develop these fantasy attachments to them.
Good thing I don't live here, otherwise I'd really feel an attachment. Oh wait...
Pauly and Senor were in town and last Sunday we headed to The Palm at Caesars' Forum Shops to meet up with the Poker Prof and his dad. The Palm is Poker Prof's favorite steakhouse, and I'm more than happy to check out any favorite (when it comes to food, I'll go anywhere). I've been to The Palm in DC and it looked exactly the same, down to the menus and caricatures on the walls. This time, the coatcheck girl did not pick her nose.
We each ordered our 16 oz. steaks medium-rare (Senor's was rare), and Pauly placed his order of a salad. Okay, not really, but a medium-well steak might as well be a salad. As soon as he said "medium well-done," everyone in the restaurant stopped in mid-conversation as if he'd said, "E.F. Hutton." Even the cow came in from the kitchen and shook her head in shame and disappointment. Pauly tried ordering a McDonald's bun to stuff his burnt meat between, but they were all out.
After the delicious chowdown (the medium-well excuse for a steak notwithstanding), Pauly, Senor and I went pai-gow hunting.
Senor had never played before, and being the gambler that I am, I'm quick to sit down at any -EV game (even, shudder, roulette). I haven't yet tired of casino play, though I've long tired of losing. Playing with other people grants me half-assed permission to play, though I still haven't been able to convince anyone to play bingo. With the multiple pushes offered by pai-gow, I hoped we'd push a few, win a few, and lose less.
Walking down the Cleopatra Hall, we found the only pai-gow tables... with a $50 minimum. The pitboss graciously lowered it to $25 for us, and we sat like privileged high-rollers. They had no quarters to take the full 5 percent commission, so we gained an extra 25 cents every time we won. Bonus!
As we played, we couldn't lose! Senor won $65, Pauly won $100, and I won $125. Our goal was to pay for dinner, which we did. Senor immediately stopped playing and Pauly and I went a bit further in an effort to pay for a couple future lapdances, and we succeeded in that as well. (Let's not mention the fact I lost $100 a couple hours earlier in Excalibur's 100NL to some horrible beats.)
Senor had to dash to the airport, which was bad for him but good for us because otherwise we would've stayed and given back all our winnings. It feels mighty empowering to take almost $300 from the house and not look back. And we didn't give them our cards, so they can't even track it. Take that, taxman!
I liken the last day of a Vegas trip to the last day of summer vacation before going back to school. It's the worst feeling. I feel for everyone when I hear it's their last day and they have to catch the redeye. But secretly, deep down I have a feeling of joy similar to sifting through the back-to-school sales knowing I don't have to go back to school ever ever, nyah nyah.
Senor hopped the new Song airline back to the East Coast, and Pauly and I went club hoppin'.
Strip club hoppin', to be exact.
I hadn't been to a strip club since moving here. I've been trying to be good with money (the pesky gambling thing keeps getting in the way), so I veer the car away every time it wants to go.
Plus, I don't even have a couch. How can I justify wasting money on strippers?
The previous Friday, the three of us went to Sin, the newest offering of adult entertainment. They've been advertising on the radio pretty heavily, so I knew they were west of Mandalay Bay... somewhere.
It was a near-empty parking lot that was filled by the time we left, and Pauly said some of the lapdances were better than sex.
Sin ranks up there with the best of Vegas strip clubs. A few days earlier (time flies too fast here), grubette went to Club Paradise and dropped $750 for her entourage (whenever she comes to Vegas, I don't see her that much because she travels with a pack of people). I love Hard Rock and the across-the-street vicinity of Club Paradise, but last time I was there was a bad time. The lapdances were barely on your lap and somewhere in Salt Lake City.
Sin was better. I tend to think strippers use their customers as a form of therapy, and we had it in spades from Melody, who talked Senor's ear off. I thought he was into her until she left, and he said he couldn't wait to get rid of her. She roped me into her problems as well, and I got the exact same lowdown that Senor did (used to weigh 224 pounds, hasn't had sex since May, has two kids, yada yada). She had a schoolgirl look to her with her clothes and pigtails, but that yapper of hers was enough to turn anyone off. Still, I enjoy pumping strippers for information about the biz. What I gathered from Melody and others that night is that Spearmint Rhino's management is horrible (reading into this, I take it to mean they have to perform sexual favors with their bosses/djs to get anywhere in the club), many girls are flocking to Striptease, and Sheri's Cabaret offers 10 seconds with a condom in the bathroom (I didn't ask for elaboration).
But back to last Sunday.
Pauly and I had money to burn. We won back our dinner in pai-gow and were ready to spend the lucky money on dances.
First stop was Olympic Garden. That's usually the most hopping place I know, but when we got there it looked like there was some cop hopping going on. Cop cars were in front with concerned-looking club owners. We popped our heads in, saw not a soul in the front area, turned around and left. If there were a chalk outline, we probably would've stayed for the story.
Next stop was Treasures. Comfy chairs and couches, but nary a female who didn't want to serve us alcohol.
What is this, it's the Easter Sunday holiday!
The one and only girl who approached us was a trucker's delight named Julie. She was so drunk she forgot what her stripper name was.
"Spank me," she said. I obliged. For free, I'll do most anything. It wasn't a satisfying spank, as my hand just kind of sat there accepting residual jiggles. No bounce, just a plop.
As any song comes to a close, there's the awkward pause and silence waiting for the girl to ask, "Want a dance? This is akin to the end of a date and waiting for, "Want to come up?" Though in the latter, you're not usually expected to pay for it.
I'm not too experienced with being the one to turn someone down, so after Julie asked, I looked away as if a teacher were asking for volunteers to solve an algebra problem.
Being the only other guy there, Pauly was caught blindsided and said, "Uh, I guess so."
The dance was more lapsliding than lapdancing. Giving a blog brother some privacy, I tried concentrating on the stage, which had a neon pole and two ornate staircases that could be out of a Noel Coward play. A topless Private Lives, perhaps.
After Julie slinked off, half bra on/half bra off, Pauly turned to me and said, "That was the single worst lapdance I've ever had."
He said she was so drunk she kept falling and he had to catch her a couple times. I wondered what kind of workman's comp strippers could get for falling off the pole.
A few more songs and we high-tailed it outta there. I expressed my severe disappointment with the woman at the front, who then said, "Didn't I say it was a slow night?" Nope, she didn't. I lied that no one even approached us. Which was true, minus one.
I knew there were no refunds, but my hope was to get a comp for a future visit. The best she could offer were 2-for-1 drink tickets. I'll save 'em for Pauly's next trip.
We decided to hit one more to see if it really was because of Easter Sunday or if we were just unlucky picking clubs. If it was a "bust," we'd go play some poker.
Arriving at Cheetah's, it took awhile for any girls to come over. The first was a that-ain't-no-girl variety named Stevie who might have been Steve a few years ago. She's worked there for eight years, which in stripper years is 64 years. Stevie seemed more in the 46-year range, though if I were to card her she'd probably actually be in her 30s. Strippers do not age well.
Stevie sat on my lap for awhile and I was mulling how I was going to turn her down ("maybe later" is a good standby), when Pauly bought me a dance.
Like Pauly's single worst lapdance, Stevie's was my single most unerotic. No matter what she did with her skinny body, it did nothing to arouse.
Then girls slowly came around. If they see customers with Stevie, hey, they must be willing to spend money on anything.
I spent a good chunk of time with Dana, who seemed matter-of-fact about everything and had these eyes that would catch me in lies. Being all part of the fantasy, I often lie to strippers regarding my name, what I'm in town for, and what I do for a living. With Dana, I told her the truth, and her eyes (and hands) still searched me to verify.
Dana did four dances and was very generous with the songs, offering to just "lay here" to finish out a short song. I ordered a drink for her, and she took a bottled water (though the charge for that was the same as the price of a mixed drink) and ignored shots from the shot girl.
As her best friend walked by, Dana said, "C'mere, you gotta feel this, it's so big" and took her hand in hers to feel something of mine. She apologized for embarrassing me, though that wasn't the least embarrassing. Any kind of compliment like that and I'm putty.
I would've had her do a couple more songs, but she said she had to speak to a weird guy but would be right back. A Latina girl named Peaches (because her breasts taste like them, she said) took her place, and I liked her accent enough to go to the private room for half a dozen dances.
There's a private room and then there's a private-r room. This one you just pay the regular amount, but it's separate from the main room and you're away from the uncomfortable armchairs. Peaches hadn't had any luck with customers, that she started turning to women. I was her second in four hours, and I probably kept her as long as I did because her voice reminded me of someone.
When I returned, Dana was dancing for Pauly, with a put-upon hurt look on her face that she had looked for me but I was gone.
My odd sense of morals had me feeling guilty! She said we could make it up to them with massages.
Dana was still with Pauly (she said his massage was making her pussy wet), and her friend sat down on my lap. We both gave them vigorous massages. After the song ended, I asked, "Do you want another song?" and she laughed and nodded.
Then we switched strippers, and continued the massages.
Dana said her shift was over and she had to go.
Our final parting words:
Dana: My friend and I are going home. grubby: Where do you live? Dana: North. grubby: I'm south. It would never work.
Grubby's Hands of the Week
What is The Hammer?
Q
s). The BB pushes for about $50.
J
(3 players, 1 all-in)