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If you were to give something unconditional love, citing it as your favorite, yet you continually get turned down, why would you keep going back?
I blame growing up with Disney movies, which instilled the idea that you don't take no for an answer, that you keep trying and trying because eventually you will break her down or get a restraining order.
And while that's more relationships than poker, that's what I have at the moment, especially the big tournament every Sunday night.
Full Tilt has broken me down.
Tonight's $750k had spillover from last weekend's recordbreaking FTOPS Main Event. Tonight's, which is still running, capped out at a whopping 4730 players and a prize pool of $946k.
My note on the guy to my left was "calls all-ins light," because twice he called my pushes with J10 and K7 and fortunately didn't hit.
Appreciate the business, I try to think to myself, even when his unders end up hitting.
We're almost 4 hours into the tournament, and I had just doubled with KK vs. 1010 and was up to 22k, well above average.
Because of his prior luck he's now up to 35k.
Getting KK again within 3 hands, my instinct was to toss it. I didn't want to get up against an Ace, who would more than likely call here against me, because it looked like I was playing looser now that I had some chips. And is it possible to win with KK twice in a row?
I raised 4x, was reraised by the guy on my left, and everyone folded to me.
This guy was gunning for me.
If I folded, we were less than 100 people away from cashing, and I could at least pocket $274.34 to an empty Full Tilt account (see sad picture above) from constant beats this weekend that took 4 figures to almost 0.
But if I won the hand, I would more than double and be twice average.
I was UTG, he was UTG+1... his reraise was just suspicious enough to have AA.
I could also smooth call, see an Ace-less flop, and push.
In hindsight, that was probably the right move. If I pushed the flop, he would no doubt drop. And if he flopped a set, he probably would be calling my all-in pre anyway.
I didn't consider the notes I made on him, because of course he would call. He called all-ins with J10, for crying out loud.
And that's exactly what he did when I reraised all-in.
I expected to see AA but was thrilled to see AKs.
And equally thrilled to see no Ace or hearts on the flop of 5-7-2 rainbow.
Turn flipped 7.
I stood up, then knocked over my monitor when the Ace spiked and 47k went his way.
I ran to the other side of my apartment and hit the wall.
Then ordered Thai delivery.
Then vented by posting about it.
The short time it took to write this, everyone's now in the money. Top 648 cashed, and we're now down to 453 for $340.56.
I may not play next Sunday. Full Tilt has spurned me much too often, and it's about time I took the hint.
kurzdogg, if you cash big, you owe me.
— —
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Happy hair ending
Over the recordbreaking snowstorms we've had coupled with subzero temperatures, I stood in awe at this 10-foot manmade iceberg heading toward Anna's Linens.
As the weather dips back into the single digits before more forecasted snow, I went to get a long-procrastinated haircut.
Tomorrow would be just a few degrees colder, and after that it's supposed to warm up, but it's also supposed to snow up.
"What brings you out on a cold night like tonight?" the hairdresser said as she flipped through a People magazine, the place bereft of customers.
I pointed at the mop on my head that she mistook for a hat, and she nodded.
This place has their customers in a database along with the number of razor last used. Which is smart, because I can never remember which razor touched my head at which Hair Cuttery, Great Clips, or Supercuts.
With the majority of equally hair-unsavvy guys frequenting these places, the database is a godsend.
Maybe in a metrosexual neighborhood like Southport, men know their razor number by heart. But I shout my ignorance with abandon.
"We'll try 4," she said.
"What did the computer say?" I asked.
"3."
"Let's go with 3."
"We'll try a 4, then we'll go to 3."
In my mind, the lower the number, the more time I have between haircuts.
But hairdressers know best, and after 30 seconds with the #4 razor, she showed me what a 4 looked like, and I wanted her to cut it all off.
"Let's do 3," I said.
She spent more time with me than she needed to. Another customer came in, had his cut, and left while I was still in the chair.
My hair is thick and difficult to maneuver, and some like to take it as a challenge. Particularly the hedge parts that rise up like Devil ears.
My hairdresser was more matronly than hottie, but she must've been a looker 30 years ago, and I'll admit it almost moved when she gasped my name as some of my hair leapt into her eye.
"I'm sorry," I said. "That's never happened before."
She dabbed at her eye with the back of her hand.
"It's okay, it's just so straight and you have so much."
I was lost in the unintentional double-entendre that I didn't know how to respond at that moment... nor when my hair jumped into her eye again.
After it was over, she showed me the back of my head with a mirror, and I asked her if she saw any bald spots.
Good, I thought, I'm good for another year.
I put on my coat and set some money on the counter, feeling a little bit dirty for not even getting her name.
— —
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Tripping on life's pain
According to a friend, I am a dealer of life's pain.
This is because of my habit of gently coercing him into going syndicate in online poker, then winning, then splitting the winnings by player transfer, then watching him donk off the money at levels higher than his bankroll allows.
For me, I just want to share. For him, I'm enabling.
At least he isn't playing blackjack. (The same can't be said for slots, as I also got him to go halves on an online slot session -- the only time we've lost.)
Trouble is, that online poker for him usually becomes a gateway to other vices -- cigarettes, drinking, etc. While at home, I'd eavesdrop on his table and see him time out, and I knew the 5 minutes he sat out had him running to 7-Eleven to buy a pack of cigarettes, which he just gave up.
I don't think of myself as a dealer of life's pain, just maybe a friendly persuader.
He admitted he's a bit obsessive-compulsive, and before leaving for a birthday party last night, I saw him stack up coins on his table. I asked him what would happen if I knocked them over, which I did. He said he didn't mind, that he just stacked them to see if he had enough quarters for laundry.
We joked that knocking over the coins would now bring bad luck, and that bad luck comes in threes.
#1 began with his automatic keys to his car not working, then finding out that the battery was dead.
#2 was standing out on the main street trying to hail a cab and having a dozen pass us by, both with dome lights on and off, some without people inside (though I claim getting passed by cabs wasn't strong enough to be #2).
#3 was the party.
It started out well enough, with plenty of food set out above the traditional veggies and chips -- including taquitos, empanadas, and chunks of guava (which I ate thinking it might be spicy tuna). The guy whose birthday we were celebrating works at a Brazilian steakhouse downtown and brought bacon-wrapped chicken and garlic beef home along with his entourage of Brazilians. A consummate host (despite on his birthday), he made sure everyone was eating and drinking. He also stayed in the kitchen making caipirinhas, which were so good that everyone wanted one. He made them with plenty of fresh fruit and vodka rather than the straight lime and rum, and he had such enthusiasm slicing and crushing all the fruit that he cut himself on the back of his hand, bleeding into each drink. A Brazilian version of Like Water for Chocolate.
Spoke with a Brazilian woman who someone said looked like a cross between Michelle Pfeiffer and Milla Jovovich. As long as she doesn't open her mouth in interviews, I'm a huge fan of Milla and go to all her movies (even the awful Ultraviolet that I fell asleep through). I did see the comparison, but mostly I saw her ample endowments (which is unlike Milla), the high heels, and the endless legs. When asked what she did, she said "babysitter" rather than nanny, which furthered the fantasy.
I pulled myself away from the conversation after she made some mild racist comments that came out too natural to be comfortable for me to stick around.
I saw my friend take two cigarettes out on the patio, then came back all happy like a child or content baby. This usually happens when he's had a few shots, but this time it was helped along by the cigarettes which I later found out weren't plain cigarettes.
He began happy, then we stepped outside and he suddenly had trouble breathing and began shaking, saying he had never felt that way before.
It came on fast, and I figured what he had was laced with acid.
Taking turns, his girlfriend and I went inside to pick up bottled water and a plate of bread and crackers (to soak up whatever he was tripping on).
I tried talking him down, and asking if he wanted to leave, he said he didn't think he could make it through the people to the door.
A change of scenery would be good, and we decided to leave. We sneaked out our coats, didn't tell anyone we were leaving, and walked carefully down the three levels of wooden steps covered by new freezing rain.
On the ground, he said he was feeling much better and we should go back, but it was 2 a.m. and it was time for home anyway.
Walking to the main street to catch a cab, my friend said, "This is number three!" and pushed me into a snow bank.
In the cab, I sat in front and saw the cabbie move his bag which had a Full Tilt logo on it.
The whole way we chatted online poker while my friend slept off his bad trip in the back seat.
— —
Friday, February 15, 2008
Valentine's sub
It's always a bit embarrassing picking up food for one on the evening of Valentine's Day.
I didn't call for delivery because I didn't feel like talking to anyone.
I didn't go to a restaurant to have to sidestep the public displays of affliction.
Instead, I picked up a Dagwood sub to go, slipped into a paper bag. Then waited for the bus at 9 p.m.
The CTA Trip Planner had the times wrong, or a bus route went missing, because I waited half an hour in the cold as more and more happy couples under the age of 18 showed up.
A pickup truck containing wrapped bouquets of roses pulled up, and sold them to the students. They skipped me.
I thought about taking a cab, but I'd already paid $1.75 for the first bus, and the transfer was only another 25 cents. I can lose $1000 in 18 minutes, but I can't pay for an $8 cab ride because I've already contributed $1.75.
Like some love convention, the bus was filled with more of these Stepford people with roses, and I had to stand.
Holding the rail with one hand and a small paper bag in the other, it looked as if I'd purchased a bottle of something, furthering my fondness of the fake holiday where the banks are open and mail is delivered.
If I cared just a little more, I would've imagined the riders pointing at me and feeling sorry for that guy with the big head standing against the rail and clutching a liquid Valentine.
And would they have felt more or less pity for me had they known I'd also be playing a session of late-night sit'n'gos?
In chat, it was business as usual, and not a single player mentioned Valentine's Day.
One positive about gambling is the community of fellow degenerates who don't criticize or judge or take pity, because they're there themselves ignoring wives or girlfriends or just getting through the night.
And sometimes that's worth the bad beats.
— —
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Comped losses, of all the nerve
I logged in to my online casino account today and found a balance of $130.
There's no record of deposit or transfer or bonus.
The past four-week frenzy that I'd been playing on this site, I noticed a couple days after playing I'd see similar extra cash in my account, seemingly with no playthrough requirements.
I figured it was cashback of 1 percent of coin-in, but over the weekend I played through more than $13,000 just in slots.
Their website says nothing about even offering a bonus on casino gambling.
I emailed and 7 minutes later received a response, stating what my comp was and explaining their comps are based on losses and are awarded every Monday and Thursday.
They also said there's a formula used to determine what that amount is, but because of the competitive industry, they couldn't tell me.
Cashback based on losses is unique to casinos. I don't know of any casino -- online or land-based -- that offers a consolation award unless part of a special promotion (some online sites offer first deposit bonuses of a percentage of your deposit back if you lose it -- other brick and mortar casinos such as Arizona Charlie's in Vegas will refund slot losses of up to $100 to the new player). Or unless you request it -- if you whine to a pitboss that you just dropped a few hundred in blackjack and could you get a comp to the buffet, you'll probably get it.
Comps are generally based on playthrough. Casinos know that over time they'll eventually get all your money.
So if you have a short-term win, immediate comps will keep you in the casino with those winnings, and be tempted to blow some if not all of it. If you're successful in escaping with the win, future comps of free rooms will entice you to return.
A friend said he saw someone win $4000 on one hand of craps and immediately asked to be excluded from any future play. A brilliant move that preserved his win, though I doubt he received any comps for that.
Self-exclusion marks your account for a period of time. At some midwest casinos that require players' cards to gamble, a marked account will prevent you from playing.
You could always play somewhere else, but if you were to hit a jackpot and the casino found you were marked, they wouldn't be required to pay out.
I don't know how I feel about comps on just losses. It's too much a reminder of how much I lost. The online casino is right in not revealing that formula, because if I don't look at my credit card statement, I can forget how much I lost.
As for the $130, I'd have to go through the same annoying process of submitting IDs to withdraw. That effort is worth it for the $3800 that I dumped, but not for $130.
I could always try doubling up a couple times in blackjack, but I'm trying out that will power that I know I have somewhere.
You could ask what I was doing logging into the account in the first place, but I wanted to see how much added money was in there. I expected it to be much more, originally thinking it was based on coin-in.
So it'll just stay in the account, whittled away by small poker tournament buy-ins.
Just say no to online casino gambling.
A two-day chip is a long way to go, but it's a start.
— —
Monday, February 11, 2008
Madness never really goes away
Somehow by posting about not playing online blackjack, I jinxed myself and have been an online blackjack fiend ever since.
Online slots made it back into my repertoire as well. One night I set a game on autoplay with $200. Fell asleep and woke up a couple hours later to see my account at $0.
I can now easily deposit via credit card (Visa, not MasterCard). Not exactly sure what happened with the UIGEA fear, but everything seems to be on hold until at least the election. Perhaps sites are Democrat hopeful (who seem to be open to investigating legalization) or are just trying to grab every last gambling dollar they can because they're greedy bastards.
Unfortunately for me, that seemed to be the only strand keeping me from playing again.
And when I fall off the wagon, I topple headfirst, similar to a snowy night last week when I fell in 10 inches of snow after 14 drinks at a Lincoln Park bar.
My losing sessions are exponential, set off by losing yet another 70/30 or 60/40 on the bubble in an SnG.
Last weekend was my worst tilt session, losing 15 in a row ($55 through $220 SnGs), then dumping $1000 in 10/20 6max limit. Bad cards, bad luck, bad play.
I had $4600 in my poker account, dwindled down to $300.
And then the steaming blackjack started.
Deposited, lost, deposited, lost, deposited, ran up to $3300.
Felt good… really good. But in my mind, I was still not even. And an addict can't just walk away without either getting even, winning a little more than their buy-in, or losing everything.
Not by choice, I went with the last option and hit a mind-numbing losing streak, betting no more than $75 a hand.
Lost it all.
Gave up for awhile.
Then back to poker, where you'd think putting it all-in on a 70 percent chance is pretty good but instead had me cursing and waking neighbors and scaring cats.
Before all this, back when the poker bankroll was $4600 and no blackjack deposits were made, I was celebrating a $1000 win across a few $110 SnGs in one night. My bankroll was healthy, I ate an expensive meal, I planned to reward myself by buying a leather armchair.
Then the fall.
But it wasn't over.
After another drinking session, came back to find myself depositing and betting five $100 spins on slots.
This weekend, made a few more deposits, lost, then one more which put me on a run to $3800, including a $1200 win in slots.
Tried cashing out, but I have to submit information by fax because of the credit card deposits.
Too annoying.
Bought in to FTOPS #9 for $300+22 and busted holding QQ against 10-10. Two-outers are the death of me and has me believing poker is more luck than skill.
Went to the online casino, cancelled the pending withdrawal, and played blackjack, where I lost $1000 in 18 minutes on nothing higher than a $25 or $35 bet. I picked up the Excel file of just this session's blackjack history, which you can download here. I x'ed out the name of the casino because they may or may not advertise here.
My iPhone showing -2 degrees, went to a friend's and talked him into going syndicate in slots. We lasted a long time on $150 each, downing a shot of tequila each time we hit the bonus.
Came home, still with $2500 left.
But I had alcohol in me, and I felt I could play more to recoup.
And dumped every last bit of it once again.
From $500 to $3300 to $0. From $500 to $3800 to $0. And all the deposits in between.
I'm convinced online blackjack is rigged. Trying to grasp at patterns to create some sort of order, it seemed the dealer was getting blackjacks 3x as much, along with hitting pat 20s 3x as much. I requested a lifetime hand history so I can sort through for myself. Problem is, all my play the past few weeks would still be considered short-term.
Any gambling game but poker is -EV. I know that, I work in slots which is among the worst EV game you can find (made up for the fact that it's the most fun).
But blackjack provided the action I needed, and it held my hand when poker did me wrong.
Now I'm in lockdown.
I'll be taking time off shunning all gambling (and when I keep losing AK to A10, poker is gambling). It won't be more than a week or so because Full Tilt has sucked me into their player program, and I don't want to lose my Iron Man status. I may do the bare minimum just to keep my tenure there.
I may also look into getting some help for this madness, which I thought was gone but was just lying dormant.
So now you know where I've been the past month or so.
The upshot is I'll be posting a little more frequently, at least until this gambling malaise lifts. Or to push this post further down the list so I don't have to be reminded.
If I stick with poker, I should be able to recover these losses by the end of the year. I'm questioning why bother at all.
A friend said I should develop a drinking problem because it'd be cheaper. But do I really need another addiction?
— —
Monday, February 04, 2008
Casino mail
I don't look forward to going to work (I like the job, just not the physical act of getting there, because of the lack of a car and walking in subzero temperatures) and I don't look forward to picking what I'm going to wear. I'm all for uniforms. Say what you want about his politics and the mass murder, but that Hitler was a snazzy dresser.
I don't look forward to playing online, because I know once I get home and I begin, I won't stop for a few hours.
My needs are pretty base, as I tend to look forward to lunch, dinner, and getting the mail.
Today was the first time the mailbox was only casino mail, which means my plan of stiffing the casinos this year will empty out my mailbox pretty fast.
The Harrah's wrath has already begun, with less comped rooms available outside of invited tournaments. And those comped are Sunday through Thursday. But after a mad rush of 2100 points in a few hours, I did make Diamond, which is good through March 2009.
Today's casino mail had free room offers, a slot tournament offer, a 10x point multiplier day, freeplay coupons, and a steak dinner for two (valued at $120 for both). It also contained my win/loss statement from Stations.
Of the Las Vegas casinos, only Harrah's and MGM Mirage offer win/loss statements online.
Other casinos make you visit them in person, where you fill out a form, then wait a few weeks. Requesting via phone won't work, and if you request through a letter, you need to get it notarized.
That's how much trouble they put you through because why would a casino want their players to find out how much they've cumulatively lost in a year?
The same casinos that may fudge their data to show you didn't lose as much as you thought you did (cf. Harrah's, Silverton).
While in Vegas in December, I went around to the non-Harrah's and non-MGM casinos to request my win/loss statements.
Westin, Sahara, and Silverton arrived early.
The statement from Station Casinos took 8 weeks.
While I was at it, I also requested 2005 and 2006.
In relation to a percentage of after-tax take-home pay, I already mentioned how much I lost at Harrah's and MGM. Here are the others.
Sahara 2007: +76.44 2006: +179.65 2005: +72.46
Obviously I should make Sahara my home casino, as I don't seem to be able to lose from there.
Westin 2007: -576.92
Westin falsely displays the total in bold at the bottom as if I had won it. The coin-in and coin-out add up to otherwise.
Silverton 2007: -999 2006: -3,713 2005: -2,549
I don't believe Silverton's numbers are correct. I made one visit last year in July and dumped over $1200 just in Monopoly Big Event.
Harrah's numbers are also inaccurate for one particular casino that I visited twice last year.
Win/loss statements aren't admissible as proof of losses to the IRS, but rather support for gaming records you've supposedly been keeping. In slotplay, though, who takes the time to write down the times played, machine number, and people played with?
Station Casinos 2007: -3,161.49 2006: -8,094.38 2005: -13,264.42
Both 2005 and 2006 were shockers. The entire year of 2005, I was living in Las Vegas and going to Stations at least three times a week (and Silverton once a week). That comes to about $85 a day in losses, right in line with what the average slot player loses in a session.
For Stations, 2005 shows $181,847.79 playthrough in slots, making the average return on the machine about 92.5 percent.
2006 had coin-in at $80,841.33 for a return of about 90 percent.
2007 was $32,995.75 for about the same amount.
So all of this is about average.
With a player's card inserted and only playing slots while using that player's card, you'd think these values would be accurate, but far from it.
While the smaller casinos list them, coin-in is not shown for Harrah's and MGM Mirage properties. If you track your player's points on your own, however, you can get a rough idea of how much is going in. One point at Harrah's is $5 in coin-in for slots, $10 for video poker. Harrah's recently quietly increased their annual Diamond requirements by 10 percent to 11,000 points, so $55,000 of playthrough is required every year to become and retain Diamond membership.
Assuming a 10 percent hold, Harrah's essentially charges you $5,500 per year for the privilege of being Diamond.
I lost more than that, so take that for what it's worth. In general, local casinos offer better returns than Strip casinos.
I didn't take into account other casinos like Wynn, Venetian, Stratosphere, the Coast Casinos (The Orleans, Gold Coast, Suncoast), South Point, Ellis Island, or any of the Boyd Gaming casinos downtown or Sam's Town.
Which means I'm fooling myself in how much I really lost not just last year but the time I lived there.
Better to spend $780 at two strip clubs. But that's another story and another addiction.
Grubby's Hands of the Week
What is The Hammer?
