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After all the news coverage about the busiest travel season in Vegas, there were no lines at all -- rental car shuttle, baggage check-in, security, tram... and now I'm at the gate with 3 hours to kill.
Luckily, McCarran has free WiFi, and I multi-tabled seven tournaments and netted $54.
One was a 3-table tourney and when 5-handed I cursed a little loudly when my A10 on the button ran into AA in the big blind. And it figures that we were both the big chipstacks. He went on to win, and I went on to close Full Tilt.
Very glad to be leaving. Ten days in Vegas is way too long. I had my biggest slot wins (relative to bet size) this trip, but on the other hand, I gave it all back and lost more than I want to admit.
I overstuffed myself on more than one occasion, which caused an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom.
Besides buffets and starchy foods, the food theme this trip was Asian noodle soup.
Palazzo has Zine, which is mediocre made worse with too many scallions. Upstairs in the Palazzo shops is Mainland, which opened earlier this year but was closed while I was there.
Harrah's has Ming's Table, which is overpriced but excellent and has a $14.95 spring roll/soup/rice/entree combo (also a $19.95 all-you-can-eat soup and sushi deal, but from selected sushi). I was staying in the Mardi Gras tower and Ming's is right next to it, plus I can use my comps there.
But my favorite noodle place is Noodle Asia at The Venetian, which has the added benefit of being open till 3 a.m. Every trip I work my way through the menu and have yet to find anything I don't like. It's modeled on the late night Hong Kong noodle shops with fast service and big crowds, but you can always cut through and sit at the bar.
The morning after a particularly big late-night soupy dinner, I stepped out of the shower, farted, then went to the bathroom.
At The Venetian, the bathroom is in a closed area, and when I came out, there was something brown on the white shag rug. It looked like a little dog had visited and left a present.
I hadn't farted, I'd sharted. And there was the evidence on the rug.
I pulled out a bunch of tissues and tried wiping it off but only made it worse. Dab it, don't wipe it, was the mantra I'd forgotten when my dog made similar messes on the rug.
I used all the tissues and shifted to toilet paper, dabbing disintegrating strips of toilet paper soaked with soapy water in an effort to hide my soupy shame.
Finally I was left with specks of toilet paper and a faded dried brown stain that I could claim was like that when I got there.
The Do Not Disturb sign stayed on the door the whole trip until I left, where I piled the dirty towels on top of the soiled rug, hoping they would just collect everything together and put it in the laundry.
I left a decent tip.
— —
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
To hell and back with Big Event
This morning I sat in the Venetian food court eating a $7 bacon and egg sandwich (on Kaiser), mentally preparing myself for the $15,000 freeroll.
Only 200 players and payouts to the first 20. First place: $5000. 20th place: $150 in slot credits.
I was going to play tight and play small pots, watching for players who weren't familiar with playing poker, at least live in a casino.
And I would stay the hell away from them.
My table began with four people. One player bet out of turn, folded when checked to, and counted on his fingers, It was safe to say he was new.
My first played hand is AK, which I raise 5x hoping to just get the blinds. Two callers, including Fingers.
A-K-6 on the flop.
I bet half the pot. Fingers pushes, the other player folds, and I call.
He shows A2 and winces when he sees my hand.
2 on the turn, 2 on the river.
Fortunately he didn't knock me out, having played a J2 against someone else's AJ in the prior hand.
No, I would be knocked out a round later when I raise with KK and he calls.
Flop is K-9-3.
He checks, I bet, he calls.
Turn is A.
Fingers bets minimum, I raise, he calls.
River is 10 and he goes all-in.
I call to see his runnered straight.
It's only half an hour into the tournament and I feel woozy, thinking I should throw all my support at the UIGEA because obviously poker is nothing but luck.
At least I have my Fiji bottled water. That's the Venetian -- all class.
I try to calm myself down at Press Your Luck -- Australian Gold.
Forty minutes later I'm down $600 on $2.25 a spin and holding a worthless 15x multiplier. Not a single Big Event nor bonus within that time.
Venetian hides points accumulated, so I don't know playthrough, but it couldn't have been much.
While I was playing, a woman next to me hit the bonus three times. All while betting a penny per spin (she inserted a dollar).
And she had the nerve to play off her player's card. I wonder what kind of comps she gets with her $1 loss per day.
I was this close to throwing my empty Fiji bottle at her fat hands.
She went down to her last penny and left, and another woman took her place. She begins talking, asking how to play.
And then Big Event hits. No better explanation than to experience the bonus firsthand.
Smash a Whammy with the question mark that incremented to 75 credits.
75 x 15 = $11.25.
Then I hit the bonus.
The first kangaroo I picked was 1050 credits. Every gold nugget that had a credit value would now have 1050 credits added. I went on a run of picking and ended the bonus with $182.
Then Big Event triggered for the Free Spins.
The number of free spins began cycling and I said it was up to the woman to press the button.
She did at 9 free spins, I said that was really good. She said it could've been 20. I said it could've been 3.
First spin gives 2000 credits, and I'm cruising from that point on.
Next spin triggers Trip of a Lifetime.
If Trip of a Lifetime lands on Hawaii, it would've been a bit over $100 (times my multiplier, which would've given a W2). Both of us were yelling, "Hawaii!"
It landed on Paris, the low value at $3.93. We both muttered, "Fuckin' Paris." But still, 393 credits isn't bad at all.
At the end of the spins, the final win was about 2500, or $375 with my 15x.
I was happy being almost even, let my time count down, then cashed out.
Now I'll really try to just play poker the rest of the trip.
— —
Monday, November 24, 2008
3 trips in 1
6359.
That was my dismal slot tournament score just a few minutes ago.
The top 100 players receive at least $100 and with the small turnout of 300, I had a pretty solid 1 in 3 chance. In these days of economic downturns, I'm experiencing a heavy gambling downturn, and I don't even root for first anymore.
Machine 5 was mine, and I watched the guy in the previous session drive it to 9863, a decent showing that will get him in the money but not the 10,000+ needed for a top placing, which is $7500 for first.
Even though the random number generator ensures every spin is completely random and independent of each other (and these tournament machines are souped up to over 100 percent payback), my own superstition has me preferring to sit at a machine with a lower score.
Not only didn't I get the Blazing 777s, I didn't beat the old guy next to me who waited a couple seconds between each spin and even pulled the handle (in slot tourneys, you want to hit the button as fast as possible, there's no time to waste like handle pulls).
With an average of about 8000, my score of 6359 is a contender for the bottom 20.
And as of right now, that caps what's been a pretty solidly losing gambling trip despite a couple exceptions: winning $1000 on a 50 cent bet and winning $600 on a $1 bet. Both those wins are long gone.
To me, like blackjack, breaking even in Vegas is a win. I think I've only ever done that once.
This Vegas trip has been divided into three separate trips – work, Harrah's, and Venetian.
The work part began down and then almost back to even when a 50 cent bet won the grand progressive of a bit over $1000 on Scorchin' Fortune (at Four Queens downtown). If you're in my Facebook, I posted a photo.
The Hyperlink progressive came up randomly and I hit all five buttons to land on cars, which gives the best shot at the top. Number values are revealed on each car, then added. Whichever range that number lands in wins that progressive.
Money escaped easily the next couple nights at Spearmint Rhino and craps, blackjack, and more slots. $700 went to the strip club, where it was more wisely spent.
After work was done, I was done with gambling if not for the pesky ATM and bank and credit card.
And I realized the reason I rent a car every trip is so I can drive to my bank.
The Harrah's part of the trip began with a freeroll $60,000 poker tournament.
I had to register at 9 a.m. and pretty much stayed up all night (final night of the work trip) to get there on time.
About 600 players, with one Harrah's employee playing at each table. Knock out that person, receive a $250 bounty and the red target t-shirt they're wearing.
The fun thing about these poker invitationals is that most don't play poker. After all, playing poker doesn't get you free rooms and invites to free tournaments.
These were all slot players who hold to the concept of luck.
And that was my mistake, because there's no such thing as making a bet too expensive to draw, because they're ready and waiting to call an all-in. It was like the good ol' days of PartyPoker.
I should've been more patient, because it was in shootout form, where two people from each table move on to the next round, essentially creating a 120-man tourney where the top 10 cash.
Instead, I busted at about 4th.
I'd intended to stiff Harrah's with no play because I'll be losing my Diamond status next year and Harrah's perks have dropped across the board anyway. I only see them dropping further because the private equity firm that now owns them had a big investment in Washington Mutual. At 3100 tier points to go, I figured $15,500 playthrough was beyond me and I'd spend the whole time playing poker.
My intentions began in earnest at the 2 p.m. poker tourney at Planet Hollywood. Problem was, a player's card is needed in order to get 500 extra chips, and the player's club line was out the door.
I went searching for someone's abandoned player's card at one of the machines. In a fit of rage I've been known to fold over my card until it creases and tears apart. Surely others are like me. Often I'll see orphaned cards laying around anyway. But not Planet Hollywood – they run a clean ship.
During my search, I did find a ticket left in a machine for $2, which I parlayed on Viking Legend to win $600 on a $1 bet.
Walked to Caesars Palace for their 7 p.m. tourney, which I lasted for 6.5 hours before getting out in 15th.
$160 buy-in, 10,000 chips, 133 players, top 9 paid. First place was $6600.
I don't question my all-in move on the button with J10o; I was 5x blinds, antes were T400, and I was going for fold equity so no matter the cards I was going in. But I think I might've been able to talk my way out of the big blind from finally deciding to call off a quarter of his chips with A3o.
Because I've become too used to online, one thing I don't do is player psychology, talking to players to get a read or getting them to fold or call.
Dealers and players said the noon tourney had Brad Garrett from "Everybody Loves Raymond" and I remember seeing the final table 4-handed with a tall skinny guy dominating, but he didn't look at all like Brad Garrett.
I was disappointed at not cashing and played away misery in slots at Caesars Palace until 4 a.m., running out of money just shy of the 11,000 tier points required this year for Diamond. I was doing okay up until the 9500 point mark, where I lost $1300 in just $2500 playthrough.
I have just 500 points to go but will save that for the next trip.
Trip #3 began yesterday with my check-in to Venetian, and it's been all slots so far and bad runs on eBay, Star Wars, Whales of Cash, Hot Hot Penny, Press Your Luck, Quick Hit, and The Sopranos.
I have yet to ever see the bonus in Whales of Cash, dumping $300 in that game alone. Same with Star Wars, I can't get to the next Death Star round.
I took my remaining $600 and dumped it all in L'il Lucy at the max of $6 a pull. If Lucy would've appeared, I would've been poised to getting that elusive W-2G, but she didn't show and it just wasn't meant to be.
And now I'm really done with slots. At least for this trip.
Tomorrow is the Venetian invitational poker tournament and on the flier they list all the poker rules as well as hand rankings. More slot players playing poker, this time I'll be more patient.
Also on the flier is a list of prizes for the top 10. I need to make second just to break even.
— —
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Girl on Girl Head's Up by grubette
Recently I was in Long Beach, California sitting in an arena full of 14,000+ women watching Arnold Schwarzenegger and Warren Buffet being interviewed by Chris Matthews of Hardball.
Shocking isn't it? I mean 14,000 women in once place? This annual conference grows larger and more prestigious each year, partly because of the drawing power of California's first lady Maria Shiver and partly because women truly like to congregate and chat. You'd think there would be more lesbians in the world since no one understands women like other women.
I met Dr. Oz, who has a couple of Bacon degrees of separation from mamagrub (her nephew and Dr. Oz are tight). I got a book signed for mamagrub's Xmas gift. The Oz family all gave speeches on health and happiness and 21-year-old daughter Oz is definitely poised for the media spotlight.
A couple days later, I'm on a plane to exciting Vegas, which never loses its luster for me.
Picked up by Sammy, we head off to the Flamingo for a debacle of a check-in (or non check-in). Harrah's finally picked up on registrations using "companions" and no longer honors companion check-ins without the (go figure) companion actually being present. A chat with the manager did nothing to help with the situation, so we ended up checking in Sammy at the Rio and kicking out one of his friends from Bill's Gamblin' Hall, where grubby had an extra room.
Met up with Toast, a Virginia transplant now living and thriving in Vegas, at the former Tilted Kilt, slammed a few beers and caught up on old times. Somehow Toast ended up in a Dorian Gray novel, having not aged a bit from the Vegas dry air, cigar smoking or heavy Guinness drinking. As proof, Doug produced a decade-old picture of Toast wearing a t-shirt in Dewey Beach, Delaware that said, "Free Pony Rides," with an arrow pointing down.
Oddly, Toast's past five years somewhat mirrored grubby's, including 18 months of a "Summer of George" professional poker career and capping off with "getting a real job."
I bought all these club passes on eBay, including one for a limo ride, free cover and a free drink to Sapphire. I gathered up my boys and called the club, who sent the first-I've-ever-seen woman limo driver, who circled around the Rio searching for five girls, rather than a bunch of guys with one girl. Tipping her $40 to offset the freeness of everything else, we walked into to the warehouse of Sapphire, were VIP seated and immediately approached by super hot women. Oh sure strip clubs are supposed to contain super hot women, but when you have low expectations, it's a pleasant surprise. Also a pleasant surprise, going into the ladies room filled with half-dressed beautiful women.
On the table where we were seated (other than our $12 beers) were several passes that I had just purchased off ebay. Turns out no passes are necessary to secure the VIP treatment we received.
After a couple of lap dances and a single round of drinks, we were off in a free shuttle to Gold Coast, where we met up with grubs and played some craps. 5.30am, but before the sun rose, we made our way back to Bill's Gamblin' Hall, stumbling in Room 101 and happily finding a huge suite! Thanks grubs!
The next night, Doug and I saw the Red Piano Elton John show which was solidly entertaining and was filled with inflatable props and celebrity-packed mini-movies, like this one of Pamela Anderson.
I normally fall asleep at these sorts of events, including Cirque du Soleil, Phantom of the Opera, most meetings and seminars, hockey games, and even Rush and Van Halen, but this show absolutely kept my attention. Thanks grubs!
Grubs, Doug and I iced it up at Minus 5, checking out Mandalay's newest ice bar (like they need more than one). The ice bunnies were cute, the drinks were delicious, but the bar itself, eh. We had a longer time getting dressed and instructional videoed than we did in the actual bar.
Somehow I ended up drunk and back at Bill's, where I somehow lost a boatload on Pai Gow, all from drinking beer in a glass.
Because of the Flamingo problem, we had to check out of Bill's and into the Palms, which is nothing to complain about for sure (Aveda products in the bathroom!).
Toast recommended a Caesar's poker tournament, while Doug hung out at the Britney Spears pool. After arriving at Caesar's, not only did I find out the daily tournaments were canceled for the Caesar's Classic, but also no "limit" games were going on either.
I headed to Harrah's, where Toast and grubs met up with me to play the $60, one re-buy tournament. Firstly, I don't play no-limit, secondly, I don't like rebuying, but with a $10 bounty per person and 66 people playing, it was worth at least checking out.
Toast was at my table in seat 9 while I was in seat 3. Early on I got some good hands and faked a few, including one against Toast. At the break, he said the guys at the other end of the table were talking about how aggressive I was playing. As a limit player, action is king and most hands look good. So my style could certainly be mistaken for aggression, but honestly I was getting some great opening cards and lucky flops.
Toast and grubby were out after two or so hours, and I continued on, raking up six bounties (no rebuy) to pay back my buy-in and hoping for 6th place (they paid to 8).
The final table came quickly and so did the fear of bubbling. But with the bounties, it made that possibility easier to take. There were a couple old guys at the end playing super tight, a loudmouth guy who bitched about other players telling a potential caller what a certain place paid, me, and Brenda.
I told our dealer it'd be cool for a girl-girl head's up, but that I was shooting for 6th and that I don't chop.
My feeling of being solid was my J-8s against tight guy's AK, who went all in. I counted my chips before calling, knowing I could cover Brenda, the only other player left. I got a flush and a straight and had a commanding chip stack lead over Brenda.
Girl-girl head's up!
Now I started thinking of my last head's up encounter with a girl, Mrs. Spaceman, who solidly beat my ass while I was holding an ass at the Orleans WPBT one year. I didn't have to think too long, because the first hand, my Q-9 against her Q-6, held up and I was the easy winner after 5 hours.
My first poker tournament win! Toast says you never forget your first one. $1462 to me and the bounties went to the dealer. Toast, grubs and Doug were there to cheer for me but I rushed to the bathroom, where I saw and heard Brenda talking on the phone about my "huge chipstack" and that there was no way she could have won. Head's up though, you never know.
We celebrated first in the room of the Palms, raiding the mini-bar, then at Rojo, a dead bar at Palms Place where we were the only people in it. I've won more at jackpots, but this was a true win because I felt like I put in the time and earned. Of course Toast said any lucky, unskilled player could win a tournament, but I just chalked it up to jealousy.
And for the next and final day, we met up with our stripper-looking realtor and closed on a condo in Vegas. So, if anyone out there is interested in a rental in the Lakes area, let me know!
— —
Sunday, November 16, 2008
More hogs than honeys
I'm not staying up late on purpose, I'm staying up late because when I went to do laundry, both washers only hummed when I inserted my four quarters each.
The water's out but there was no notice, and a crew is outside cursing at each other, so they must be working on it or stalling for overtime.
But meanwhile I have nothing to wear in Vegas, and my clothes are covered in liquid Tide.
If the water doesn't restore soon (it's 3:15 a.m. now), I'll throw the clothes in the bathtub and hope that 2 weeks of dried Tide won't do too much damage to cotton.
I have an early flight, but no water means no shower. And being Saturday, that's one bonus day that I didn't shower. To my seatmate on the plane: you've been warned.
***
Last week some friends and I used a cheat code to unlock all the songs on Rock Band, then headed to Hogs & Honeys, which features a mechanical bull.
When grubette was in town, a bachelorette party had each girl enjoy the bull. The guy at the controls preyed on the riders' weaknesses (after the consent form was signed, of course). If he saw the girl self-consciously pull down her shirt over her jeans, for example, the bull would magically move to make that shirt ride up.
One girl's boob continually popped out, and I missed it each time.
And if you wear a mini-skirt when you get on the bull, I claim you're a closet exhibitionist.
grubette snapped a photo of some of the girls dancing on the bar:
My return to Hogs & Honeys wasn't as wild but still fun, albeit with more hogs than honeys. That is, way too many dudes wanting to ride the bull.
A couple girls made up for it by dancing on the bar. The girl in the mini-skirt is one of the bartenders. Girl bartender: I heart you.
And here's a YouTube video of a girl who got up and pole-danced to Britney Spears. She said that she'd never danced on a pole before and has never been a stripper.
by grubette
Grubby's Hands of the Week
What is The Hammer?
